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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The world population is been increasing lately. One way to curb excessive growth in third world countries is to restrict the number of children each couple can have to 1. Other people believe that empowerment of the women is a better way. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#world #population #growth #third #countries #children #couple #people #empowerment #women
These days,
overpopulatation
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
 is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 universal concern topic around the world.
Therefore
, the developing
nations
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
strictly
Replace the adverb
strict
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
follow the law of each couple has only
one
child
 in order to reverse
this
 situation
while
 others say that
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 is a better
approach
 to
this
.
This
 essay will discuss both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the
one
 hand, the developing
nations
 enforce to curb overpopulation by having
one
child
 in each family in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the government will provide all the amenities for everyone.
This
 means,
being
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 fewer
popualtion
Correct your spelling
population
populations
 in third-level
nations
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 might
be reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the poverty ratio and everyone will have a job and their livelihood
also
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
child
Correct your spelling
one-child
show examples
 policy.
For example
,
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 ministry has passed the law of
'''
Correct article usage
the '''
show examples
one
child
 policy ', and
as a result
, now India has dominated China by
popualtion
Correct your spelling
population
, China has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world
most
Change preposition
with most
show examples
population
 of the country. Needless to say, following enforces act of having
one
child
 in each couple could
be reversed
Wrong verb form
reverse
show examples
 the overpopulation.
On the other hand
,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 education is the better
approach
 to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the number of the world
population
 because
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 empowerment
palys
Correct your spelling
plays
 a crucial role in society.
This
 means, educating awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth
control
 to
women
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can assist to reduce
increasing
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 the
population
 because
women
 can teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation about
birth
control
 and it will help in future too.
For instance
, numerous
nations
are provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
training
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 to
new
Change the word
newly
show examples
 married couples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local authorities and doctors about
birth
control
,
this
 helps them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
avoid more children.
Also
,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 education is a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 promising
approach
 to reverse
this
 situation. In conclusion,
although
 having
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
child
Correct your spelling
one-child
show examples
 policy reduces to increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
population
 in developing
nations
 in order to poverty rates might be diminished,
education
Correct article usage
The education
show examples
 of
women
 about
birth
control
 can reverse
this
 trend because
this
 is a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 promising
approach
.
However
, in my opinion, about
this
,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 is a better
approach
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reversing overpopulation.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
The essay has addressed both viewpoints as required. However, make sure to clarify certain arguments more precisely to increase the coherence.
coherence cohesion
To raise your score, work on organizing your points more effectively. Each paragraph should introduce a new idea and tie it back to the main argument.
task achievement
You have included examples, which is great. To improve, ensure that they clearly support the points you are making and are elaborated upon to show their relevance.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. Simple errors in spelling and tense can distract from your argument. Re-read your essay to catch these mistakes.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion is clear and restates your main argument, which is excellent. Ensuring your introduction is equally effective will make a significant difference.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which sets a good context for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with paragraphs focusing on different viewpoints.
task achievement
You included specific examples, like the Chinese one-child policy, which helps to illustrate your points.
What to do next:
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