IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #europe #children #age #schools #skills #job #education #students #world #work
The
eduaction
Correct your spelling
Education
 plays a crucial role in
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 lives. In some nations in Europe, some teenagers study more
practical-based
Correct your spelling
practically based
show examples
 on
schools
 and it will help them
obtin
Correct your spelling
obtain
jobs
; other children study at
schools
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 teach
more
Add an article
the more
show examples
 general syllabus. Teaching more practical-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes that can prepare
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students for the
working place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
,
this
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
 with,
schools
 should focus and teach practical-based onn
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 with a little scope of the
theorotiacl
Correct your spelling
theoretical
theological
 knowledge because they cannot write a full process of any work
besides
 they have to do work, so
eduactional
Correct your spelling
educational
education
 institutes teach more in-hand experience classes, and
as a result
, pupils will not face any difficulties when they
are enter
Change the verb form
are entered
are entering
show examples
 in the working environment.
For example
, Australia provides more practical-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 to
schools
 rather than theory, so,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australian graduates have
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 employability rates as compared to other nations. Needless to say,
schools
 should teach practical training to their students in order to they can get
jobs
 without struggling.
Furthermore
, practical sessions should be taught by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational
institutionals becasue
Correct your spelling
institutions because
 employers need to
be expected
Wrong verb form
expect
show examples
candiadates
Correct your spelling
candidates
 must know
Correct article usage
the jobs
show examples
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 details in order to they can save more money and time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 providing training to new applicants, that's why practical training is of utmost importance in school.
For instance
, many corporate companies
are expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
show examples
 new
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 should finish and study any
practical-based
Correct your spelling
practical based
show examples
 on
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
otherwise
 they reject in
teh
Correct your spelling
the
prelimianry
Correct your spelling
preliminary
 interview.
Then
,
schools
 should focus on practical training to teach students. In conclusion, the working world is completely different from school academics, so
schools
 should teach more practical lessons to pupils in order to they will not face any
suffer
Change the form of the verb
suffering
show examples
 to get
jobs
along with
 it brings more employment chances when they finish practical-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use clear transitional phrases to connect your points. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction by being more precise and setting up the structure of the essay clearly to give the reader a better understanding of the points that will be discussed.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are clearly supported with in-depth reasoning and specific examples. Elaborate more on how practical skills offer benefits in the workplace.
task achievement
Strengthen your task achievement by addressing potential counterarguments and explaining why practical skills are especially crucial for employment.
task achievement
The essay does provide some relevant examples and explanations, which shows an attempt to back up the arguments made.
task achievement
A clear effort was made to distinguish between theoretical and practical education and to highlight the benefits of practical skills in the job market.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training programs
  • curriculum
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication skills
  • career guidance
  • counseling
  • internships
  • apprenticeships
  • local industries
  • businesses
  • digital literacy
  • technological skills
  • entrepreneurship
  • innovation
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: