Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree?

In my opinion to agree or disagree with the description that Some people say that time and money spent on rap classes in schools are not necessary.
Instead
, offspring should be learning useful
subjects
such
as science and computers.is an important issue to discuss, first I will agreement supporting
this
explanation after which some aspects against it will be discussed.
To begin
with, despite my disagreement, a category of individuals advocate that pupils must acquire artistic
subjects
in order to conserve their cultural identity.
This
is because when youth study these syllabi, they acquire an in-depth understanding of their civilization
along with
the evolution that their country has witnessed over the centuries.
For instance
, in Egypt, educational institutions are keen on introducing history
subjects
to the current generation in order to obtain a comprehensive view of their Pharaonic civilization and how music influenced their culture.
Thus
, what can be said is that,
according to
their claims, these
subjects
are pivotal for the development of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense of patriotism in young adults. On the one hand , many people agree with
this
description for many important reasons. The most significant is that I believe the tune west the time for offspring not useful
in addition
offspring when listening to the melody and dance learn bad behaviour
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
reasons for side heath
l
consider dangerous for hearing .
for example
, many offspring when listening
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
long time to pieces have problems with hearing .
On the other hand
, many populations oppose
this
statement for many reasons the most significant is that development would be for science and computers not for tune .
l
believe the piece period changed the
subjects
and relaxed for offspring and a moving way to study hard .
For example
, 50% of students when listening to the
tune in
Add a hyphen
tune-in
show examples
exams answer correctly. In conclusion,
l
struggled with the disagreeing idea supporting
this
statement because its drawbacks outweigh
for instance
l
believe the subject rock changes the mood of students as well and
l
consider periods to move to another subject so it leaves me no doubt that
l
think to disagree with description
Submitted by almeem on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a viewpoint on the topic, but it lacks clarity in several parts. Be sure to refine your arguments to make them more coherent.
introduction conclusion present
Develop a clear introduction that outlines your main points, and ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and provides closure.
supported main points
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task achievement
Directly address the question and ensure that your response fully covers both sides of the argument, if applicable.
clear comprehensive ideas
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relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to bolster your arguments. This will help illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the essay topic.

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