Some people believe that university education should focus on the skills of employment for the future. Others think they should focus on academic study only. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

One
part of society considers that
universities
should put more attention towards courses that teach
work
skills
which are required in future
jobs
,
however
, another part of society believes that
universities
should give more attention to
delievering
Correct your spelling
delivering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
education
. I think
universities
must focus on both academic
education
and professional
skills
for the
overall
nation's prosperity. On the
one
hand, people argue that higher
education
where
work
skills
should be taught to the students is beneficial to
overall
economic growth as
this
helps to get high-salaried
jobs
easily.
For example
, a
person
has
Correct pronoun usage
who has
show examples
good hold over interpersonal
skills
can attain managerial positions in big multinational companies as
such
skills
help a
job
applicant to manage a team,
to
Correct word choice
and to
show examples
direct and support their staff.
Furthermore
, business is
one
of the
work
areas where experience and soft
skills
put a
person
ahead in the competition than university degree holders.
Therefore
,
universities
should more focus on courses that can develop
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
skills
in students for future
jobs
.
On the other hand
, individual people are in favour of
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
in terms of academic knowledge as it is of utmost importance for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
as well as
societal welfare.
For example
, if a
person
has
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
degree in a Bachelor's of
Education
along with
a Bachelor's in Arts, and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
person
has a Bachelor's of
Education
with a Master's Degree in Arts scores more weightage in the selection process, so tertiary
education
puts a
person
one
step ahead than others as it can be a selection factor between
job
applicants. Apart from that, some
job
positions require theoretical knowledge as well, namely teachers, accountants
etectera
Correct your spelling
etcetera
.
Hence
,
universtities
Correct your spelling
universities
should concentrate more on academic studies as
this
will help
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
to get better
jobs
at ease, ultimately, society benefits. In conclusion, I think that every
work
or field has its own requirements,
therefore
,
universities
should balance out both the styles of imparting studies, so that every student can take benefit of studies
according to
their interests, and can get
jobs
easily in their respective
job
fields, resulting in, economic growth
as well as
individuals' prosperity.
Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but there are moments where transitions could be smoother. It might be helpful to use more connective phrases or transitional words to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
While the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and concise, you could strengthen the body paragraphs by ensuring that every main point is explicitly supported with relevant examples and comprehensive ideas. This would make your argument more compelling.
general
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically accurate. Avoid minor errors such as the use of 'delievering' instead of 'delivering', 'universtities' instead of 'universities', and 'the another person' instead of 'another person'. These small errors can affect the overall readability of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You presented a clear introduction that outlined both sides of the argument and stated your opinion. This is effective for setting the stage for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion in a way that ties everything together. This helps give a sense of closure to your essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument. For instance, the example about the importance of interpersonal skills in managerial positions adds depth to your discussion.

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