IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that university education should focus on the skills of employment for the future. Others think they should focus on academic study only. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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One
Use synonyms
 part of society considers that
universities
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 should put more attention towards courses that teach
work
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skills
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 which are required in future
jobs
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,
however
Linking Words
, another part of society believes that
universities
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 should give more attention to
delievering
Correct your spelling
delivering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
education
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. I think
universities
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 must focus on both academic
education
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 and professional
skills
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 for the
overall
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 nation's prosperity. On the
one
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 hand, people argue that higher
education
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 where
work
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skills
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 should be taught to the students is beneficial to
overall
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 economic growth as
this
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 helps to get high-salaried
jobs
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 easily.
For example
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, a
person
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has
Correct pronoun usage
who has
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 good hold over interpersonal
skills
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 can attain managerial positions in big multinational companies as
such
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skills
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 help a
job
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 applicant to manage a team,
to
Correct word choice
and to
show examples
 direct and support their staff.
Furthermore
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, business is
one
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 of the
work
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 areas where experience and soft
skills
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 put a
person
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 ahead in the competition than university degree holders.
Therefore
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,
universities
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 should more focus on courses that can develop
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
skills
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 in students for future
jobs
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.
On the other hand
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, individual people are in favour of
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
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 in terms of academic knowledge as it is of utmost importance for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
as well as
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 societal welfare.
For example
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, if a
person
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 has
professional
Add an article
a professional
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 degree in a Bachelor's of
Education
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along with
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 a Bachelor's in Arts, and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
person
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 has a Bachelor's of
Education
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 with a Master's Degree in Arts scores more weightage in the selection process, so tertiary
education
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 puts a
person
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one
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 step ahead than others as it can be a selection factor between
job
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 applicants. Apart from that, some
job
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 positions require theoretical knowledge as well, namely teachers, accountants
etectera
Correct your spelling
etcetera
.
Hence
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,
universtities
Correct your spelling
universities
 should concentrate more on academic studies as
this
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 will help
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 to get better
jobs
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 at ease, ultimately, society benefits. In conclusion, I think that every
work
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 or field has its own requirements,
therefore
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,
universities
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 should balance out both the styles of imparting studies, so that every student can take benefit of studies
according to
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 their interests, and can get
jobs
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 easily in their respective
job
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 fields, resulting in, economic growth
as well as
Linking Words
 individuals' prosperity.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay generally follows a logical structure, but there are moments where transitions could be smoother. It might be helpful to use more connective phrases or transitional words to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
While the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and concise, you could strengthen the body paragraphs by ensuring that every main point is explicitly supported with relevant examples and comprehensive ideas. This would make your argument more compelling.
general
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically accurate. Avoid minor errors such as the use of 'delievering' instead of 'delivering', 'universtities' instead of 'universities', and 'the another person' instead of 'another person'. These small errors can affect the overall readability of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You presented a clear introduction that outlined both sides of the argument and stated your opinion. This is effective for setting the stage for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion in a way that ties everything together. This helps give a sense of closure to your essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument. For instance, the example about the importance of interpersonal skills in managerial positions adds depth to your discussion.
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