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Band 3

Many people belive that schools should teach children to become good citizens and workers rather than independent individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.

#people #belive #schools #children #citizens #workers #individuals
The speech about the
school
 is an important topic,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 is why
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of people believe in the
out comes
Correct your spelling
outcomes
show examples
 from it . I wholeheartedly agree with that , so I shall elaborate on
this
 essay my point of view. Generally , all of us know how the crucial effect of
this
 learning stage ,
as well as
 the role of the
school
 on the child, regardless, teaching the kids the basics rules of life , like system, confidence, information
also
 friendship. As I see it has
the
Correct article usage
an
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 impact on the individual,
hence
 she/he will be capable
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 a successful person in his/her work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and a good citizen towards his/her country.
For instance
 : the student in the
school
 Vs the uneducated folks,
School
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can write or speak
also
 another language
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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illiterate individuals.
Moreover
, It is a collection of lessons to grow the mentality and orientation of the children to be
Add an article
a well
the well
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well formed
Add a hyphen
well-formed
show examples
 and best pattern. Ultimately,
school
 is
inevitable
Correct article usage
an inevitable
show examples
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
, indicated to build up a strong community ;
therefore
 I encourage all the parents to push their offspring to join the lessons of
school
 particularly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life .
Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position, but it could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and elaborating on your main points.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the coherence of your essay by using more linking words and phrases. This will help connect your ideas and make the essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are more clearly defined. The introduction should set the stage for your argument, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points.
task achievement
You clearly state your agreement with the idea and provide reasons to support your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay touches on important aspects like the role of school in teaching children basic life rules and its impact on becoming good citizens and workers.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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