Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same job. What problem this causes? What are solution?

#people #employment #job

In our days, we can observe that many elderly workers compete with young ones in the labour market.

This

situation is deeply problematic for the general social well-being and

require

Change the verb form

requires

show examples

a global solution.

This

essay will explain what kind of problems

this

fact represents and how we can try to solve

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. One first type of

consequences

Fix the agreement mistake

consequence

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is related to its impact on the job market itself. The mentioned trend

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

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the scarceness of places for new workers increases, producing a problem for new professionals. It can worsen the unemployment indicator and delay the workforce

renowal

Correct your spelling

renewal

On the other hand

this

phenomenon implicitly produces an increase

Change preposition

show examples

the retirement age. If we sum

these

Change preposition

up these

show examples

negative outcomes of the inter-generational competition, can be perfectly

expectable

Correct word choice

expected to be

show examples

a more angry and discontent society, given that we relate the

last

stage of our lives with enjoyment and jubilee. A possible solution to the first set of effects is to

resguard

Correct your spelling

regard

some job offers for young people

specially

Replace the word

especially

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This

can be made via taxes or subsidiarity.

Also

, it can be accompanied by specific places for senior employees in order to achieve an egalitarian balance. In the second place, a potential strategy for the second group of effects can be some incentives for retirement in order to maintain a reasonable age for

this

crucial step.

This

plan can be implemented by public policies.

In addition

, it would be essential to complement

this

strategy with an improvement of the money

that is

paid to retired workers.

To sum up

, we can see that most negative effects of the inter-generational competition for jobs can be solved, partially at least, with solidarity and public regulations. It is a matter of fact that

this

scenario can make the unemployment rates higher and discourage the renovation of

workforce

Add an article

the workforce

show examples

, producing discontent.

Nonetheless

, if we build pragmatic and realistic strategies

such

as those mentioned before, we can expect to avoid worse projections.

Submitted by darojasl on Tue Jul 09 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay addresses the task effectively, offering a clear response to the problems and solutions associated with older and younger people competing for the same jobs. However, providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments could strengthen your essay further.

Coherence and Cohesion

While the essay is well-organized, a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases slightly affect the flow. For example, 'resguard' should be 'safeguard' and 'achieve an egalitarian balance' might be better stated as 'achieve a fair balance.' Such refinements would enhance clarity and naturalness.

Introduction

Your introduction is strong; it sets the context well and clearly outlines what the essay will cover.

Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument, giving the essay a strong ending note.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same job. What problem this causes? What are solution?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You have bought furniture from a store. When you received, there were some damages. Write a letter to the concerned store manager. In your letter, you should: Give information about the furniture. Explain the damage Ask the manager to solve your issue.

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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together. while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.

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