IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #employment #patterns #britain #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given charts illustrate the diversity in
employment
 figures between
men
 and
women
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1992.
Overall
, the data provided information on the
proportion
amang
Correct your spelling
among
amazing
men
 and
women
 in both manual and non-manual
employment
 categories.
To begin
 with,
it is clear that
 craft or similar have shown relatively balanced percentages between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, with 26 % and 27% respectively.
Also
, the same
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pattern of other
non-manual
Correct your spelling
non-manuals
show examples
 which have witnessed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 stable percentages with 6 % in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 9 % in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
In contrast
, clerical figures have evident a higher
proportion
 in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 with 31 %,
whereas
 showed a significant difference in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 which was only 6 per cent.
Furthermore
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 have proven that the
proportion
 of managerial figures reached the peak of
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 chart which achieved 36 per cent,
while
 female
employment
 charts have achieved 29 per cent.
Finally
, the pattern of other
manual
Fix the agreement mistake
manuals
show examples
 have proven
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant disparities in their percentages between
men
 and
women
 with 24 % and 3% respectively.
Also
, General labourers have shown only
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
 of 3 % for both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
.
To sum up
, we could say that the
proportion
 of
employment
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
varied between
men
 and
women
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1992.
Submitted by ghadeer_lab on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, men, women, proportion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼

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