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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #employment #patterns #britain #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given charts illustrate the diversity in
employment
Use synonyms
 figures between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data provided information on the
proportion
Use synonyms
amang
Correct your spelling
among
amazing
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in both manual and non-manual
employment
Use synonyms
 categories.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 craft or similar have shown relatively balanced percentages between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, with 26 % and 27% respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the same
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pattern of other
non-manual
Correct your spelling
non-manuals
show examples
 which have witnessed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 stable percentages with 6 % in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 9 % in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, clerical figures have evident a higher
proportion
Use synonyms
 in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 with 31 %,
whereas
Linking Words
 showed a significant difference in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 which was only 6 per cent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 have proven that the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of managerial figures reached the peak of
Use synonyms
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
 chart which achieved 36 per cent,
while
Linking Words
 female
employment
Use synonyms
 charts have achieved 29 per cent.
Finally
Linking Words
, the pattern of other
manual
Fix the agreement mistake
manuals
show examples
 have proven
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant disparities in their percentages between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 with 24 % and 3% respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, General labourers have shown only
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
 of 3 % for both
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
varied between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1992.
Submitted by ghadeer_lab on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, men, women, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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