IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals #instead”
The given information shows that there are two different
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 one shows all wild animals should be protected and
on the other hand
suggested
Wrong verb form
suggests
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 only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 wild animals should be protected. Personally, I would like to say that both opinions
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 persuasive power. First of all, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
man
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to protect all wild animals
then
 it might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bring about
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 safety in third-world
such
 as Africa or
Mongol
Correct your spelling
Mongolia
show examples
; Of course, the standard line of 'develop' is different by person. Second of all, in the case of
build
Change the verb form
building
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zoo
Add an article
a zoo
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 or education place by
government
Add an article
the government
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, NGO:
Non-government
Correct word choice
or Non-government
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organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
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. etc.
Then
 it would be
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 chance to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
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 and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 with our child
in
Change preposition
during
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 the holiday. If people spend time and money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
such
 as
Add an article
the zoo
a zoo
show examples
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
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,
then
 it will bring about
green
Correct article usage
a green
show examples
 signal
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
.
Submitted by bitnara01 on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed support for main points to improve the response's completeness.
task achievement
Include specific examples to better illustrate your points and make your response more convincing.
coherence
Reorganize the ideas to ensure a clear and logical structure.
coherence
Ensure there's a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and gives your final opinion.
cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for more clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence
There is an attempt to provide supporting points for both sides of the argument.
coherence
The essay's introduction sets up the topic and the two different perspectives on it.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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