Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is undeniable that we are living in the modern era
which
sport play an indispensable Change preposition
in which
role
in life. In 2018, Use synonyms
Vietnamese’s
players of soccer won the U23 Asian Championship, which means that the general Change noun form
Vietnamese
of
public Change preposition
apply
recognize
sport as a lucrative profession. But some Change the verb form
recognizes
people
believe that successful Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
professionals
can earn a great deal more Use synonyms
money
than Use synonyms
people
in other important professions. Use synonyms
In contrast
, citizens think Linking Words
this
is fully justified Linking Words
while
others think it is unfair. I see eye to eye Linking Words
both
ideas. In Change preposition
with both
this
essay, I’m going to explain fully about the details.
On the one hand, Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
professionals
play an important Use synonyms
role
in society. They are Use synonyms
people
who represent a country. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
U23
team represent Vietnam in Correct article usage
the U23
competition
. So, they are taken care of carefully and can earn Correct article usage
a competition
money
lots of. But sometimes, they still face to face with difficulties Use synonyms
such
as injury when competition occurs. Linking Words
Besides
, Linking Words
sports
experts must undergo rigorous training. From my perspective, Use synonyms
people
who are playing Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
,
can earn a great deal more Remove the comma
apply
money
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
people
who are working in fields Use synonyms
such
as medicine, education or science Linking Words
also
can earn a volume of Linking Words
money
similar to Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
professionals
. BecauseUse synonyms
,
they play an essential Remove the comma
apply
role
in society and contribute to their country.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
although
there are always exceptions, we can not deny that Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
professionals
can earn more Use synonyms
money
than others .What actually matters would be the fact that Use synonyms
people
should consider every Use synonyms
jobs
Change to a singular noun
job
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
Correct article usage
an equally
equally
Change the adverb
equal
role
Use synonyms
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced view, which is good. However, it seems to lack detailed supporting examples and explanations. Try to include more specific instances and elaborate on your points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and your points flow reasonably well. However, some sentences are unclear and the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use connecting phrases to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical issues and awkward phrases throughout the essay. For example, “sport play an indispensable role in life” should be “sports play an indispensable role in our lives.” Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the scene well and clearly states the topic you are going to discuss.
coherence cohesion
You have a conclusion that summarizes your main points, which helps to bring closure to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay shows a fair understanding of different perspectives on the topic.