Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, because of globalization, others
the
increasing number of families migrate to other Correct article usage
an
nation
to achieve their purposes. Some people think thatFix the agreement mistake
nations
,
Remove the comma
apply
children
from those families can obtain harvesting
Replace the word
harvest
while
others claim that, these can cause children
to faced
Wrong verb form
face
with
difficulties in Change preposition
apply
school
. However
, I believe that,
Remove the comma
apply
moved to
abroad can Wrong verb form
moving
gain
Verb problem
improve
children
's adaptability and friendships.
On the one hand, for children
migrating to other countries suddenly is
difficult for Verb problem
becomes
children
to adapt with
Change preposition
to
new
education environment because it might Correct article usage
a new
be
pull a string on their educational habits Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as on
curriculums, Change preposition
apply
culture
of lecturing, Add an article
the culture
a culture
tradition
of Add an article
the tradition
a tradition
school
. Add an article
the school
For example
, the school
in Myanamr's teaching approach is, Correct word choice
that student
student
cannot Fix the agreement mistake
students
asking for
a question in the classroom because Wrong verb form
ask
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
are
think Unnecessary verb
apply
that is
break the rules of classroom quiety
, even though it is about subjects. But in Correct your spelling
quiet
USA
, students have Correct article usage
the USA
right
to ask Correct article usage
the right
the
questions which Correct article usage
apply
is
relevant Change the verb form
are
with
curriculums without pressure. Change preposition
to
However
, i
believe that those kinds of Change the capitalization
I
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
is
easy to overcome as a child, they can go through with Change the verb form
are
learn
how to Change the verb form
learning
adapted
Wrong verb form
adapt
into
a new educational system.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, living in new countries for children
is a good chance to how to
learn to Fix the infinitive
apply
fix
in the stranges society. It can train them how to engage with people who Correct your spelling
fit
is
from Change the verb form
are
very
nations which they Correct word choice
apply
don't
familiar with. Verb problem
are not
For instance
, training children
to involving
in new things can stimulate their curiosity to Wrong verb form
be involved
experimenting
Change the verb form
experiment
Change preposition
with
people
culture Change noun form
people's
thus
they can reward friends from school
or in their neighbourhood. Moreover
, through of
these prior experiences, when they come to Change preposition
apply
their
adulthood they can use these abilities to Correct pronoun usage
apply
containue
to obtain more friendsCorrect your spelling
continue
,
and boost Remove the comma
apply
connection
for their Fix the agreement mistake
connections
career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Consequently
, utilizing these opportunities to teach children
how to adapt in
Change preposition
to
adults
life is worth it.
In conclusion, despite that, we should be to Change the noun form
adult
considered
Change the form of the verb
consider
about
Change preposition
apply
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
feeling
that they migrate to new places when Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
hey
Correct your spelling
they
too
young. But Add a missing verb
are too
i
still believe that coaching Change the capitalization
I
children
how
to overcome Change preposition
on how
the
obstacles is more meaningful.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address both sides of the argument. While you mentioned the difficulties children might face and the benefits they might gain, there could be more depth to both arguments.
task achievement
Expand on examples and make sure they are fully relevant and illustrative of your points. This will help in making your arguments stronger and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly from one idea to another. Use connective phrases to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. It's important to be concise and to the point, which will help maintain clarity in your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve the clarity and readability of your essay. This will also ensure your ideas are clearly communicated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You have addressed both views as per the prompt, showing that you understand the task requirements.
task achievement
Using examples to illustrate your points helped to explain your arguments, and with further development, it will strengthen your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.