IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph belw shows theb percerntage of female workers and workers aged 50 or above in the workforce. summarise thevinformaion by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph belw shows theb percerntage of female workers and workers aged 50 or above in the workforce. summarise thevinformaion by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts represent the rates of male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 in their fifties, employed in full and part-time jobs, in the years 1988 and 2012. The charts are expressed in percentages and the totals of every year are
informed
Verb problem
presented
show examples
 at the bottom.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can observe a similar pattern with little differences mainly related to women and total numbers.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the part-time
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
, it is interesting to notice a difference
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 a negative 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for the female
workers
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 period . At the same time, the male employees have suffered a little increase of one point only. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the full-time modality, the rates of women show a huge increase close to 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, men show a decrease of near to 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In relation
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 absolute numbers, it can be interesting to notice that the total of
workers
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
rose
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 6 thousand people in more than two decades.
This
Linking Words
 demographical fact allows us to understand why evenly when a category
diminish
Change the verb form
diminishes
show examples
, the absolute number
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
. In summary, throughout the whole period, the total of
workers
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased, with more women in full-time jobs and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 men in
this
Linking Words
 category.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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