some people believe its best to accept a bad situation , such as unsatusfactory job or shortage of money , others argue that is better to try an improve such .

There is
ongoing
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an ongoing
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debate about whether people should stay in their
low income
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low-income
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job with unhappy feeling about it or should try to change their life ,
although
, staying in your
carrent
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current
position remain satel keep you safe from losing your job , I strongly agree that you should
you should
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apply
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improve your life as it can support
you
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your
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mental health. On the one hand , accepting the bad position you are in
know
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now
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means you are
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afraid
afried
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afraid
to leave the job you hate and start
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from
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form
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from
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the
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beginning
begaining
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beginning because
becuse
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because
you f
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task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the question. Your current response is somewhat off-topic and does not thoroughly discuss both perspectives: staying in a bad situation vs. trying to improve it.
task achievement
Develop your main points more comprehensively with supporting arguments and relevant examples. Currently, the essay lacks depth and examples to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay by clearly dividing it into paragraphs with a logical flow. Use clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work for grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. This will improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a clear conclusion that summaries the main points of your essay and provides a final perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear attempt to engage with the topic and express an opinion on it. This is a good starting point for developing your argument further.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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