IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Improving the quality
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life
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of life
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 of human beings is believed to be the main goal of
science
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.
Although
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 there might be some people who thought in a different way, I tend to agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will discuss the reason why. On the one hand, others might think that
science
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 could cause troubles in
life
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.
This
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 is because there are
Correct article usage
a numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of technological developments which led to a new environmental problem, resulting in the growth of diseases. To illustrate, the growth in air pollution rate in cities
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due
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is due
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 to the increasing numbers of vehicles used by societies.
As a result
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, the rise of bad air quality in certain areas could damage the
human's
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human
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 respiratory system.
However
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, the main purpose of
science
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 is to create something helpful for mankind's
life
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 in the first place. In fact, scientists
has
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have
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 done
many researches
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much research
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 to discover tools that will be able to enhance the quality of
human's
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human
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 well-being.
For example
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, pedometers
installed
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are installed
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 in digital watches to calculate how many steps
has
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have
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 been taken by their users throughout the day, without
loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 primary function as a watch as well.
As a result
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, thanks to scientists,
such
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 development of technology is indeed useful to increase the level of
human's
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human
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 health by taking enough steps each day. In conclusion, even though some individuals might assume that
science
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 can cause
a
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apply
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new trouble, I firmly believe that the main reason
of
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for
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 research and developments done by scientists is to create positive impacts
in
Change preposition
on
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human's
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human
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life
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.
Thus
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, the increasing number of technological tools might create values
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
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 be beneficial to enhance one's lifestyle.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is clearly presented and thoroughly explained with stronger supporting details. Discuss both perspectives more evenly to provide a balanced response.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical development between ideas within paragraphs and use of transition words for smoother flow. Focus on making connections between points clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly presents an introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples such as pedometers in digital watches to illustrate points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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