IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible argument on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #argument #side #support
It is argued that
parents
 must stay with their kids in free
time
, and others believe that
this
 is
consideried
Correct your spelling
considered
 to be a negative behaviour.
Although
 spending
time
 with
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 will
prevents
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 them
growing
Change preposition
from growing
show examples
 independent, I believe that
children
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 a
care taker
Correct your spelling
caretaker
show examples
 around them
while
 playing.
On the other hand
, some
parents
 are worried that
thier
Correct your spelling
their
child
 grow up depending on them all the
time
.
This
 is to say, that being
srrounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by the
children
 even in playing
time
 will increase the attachment between the
child
 and the mother.
This
 means a
child
 will face difficulties spending
time
 alone.
As a result
, going to sleep alone would be an issue, because the
child
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 used to
feel
Change the verb form
feeling
show examples
 the
parents
 around.
For example
 , in KSA most of the kids in the first year of primary school are not attending the classes because they are scared
leaving
Change preposition
of leaving
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
parents
 and attached to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 moms.
On the other hand
, spending free
time
togather
Correct your spelling
together
to gather
 as
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
 is an important thing to do.
Due to
 the fact that
children
 are
irresposible
Correct your spelling
irresponsible
 of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 behaviours, and
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to make mistakes.
Therefore
, being the
parents
srrounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 to watch them out is a must.
In other words
, sometimes a
child
 might be
curiouse
Correct your spelling
curious
 about exploring new things, and because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to do dangerous things
such
 as eating insects or playing in the kitchen.
This
 is the reason why
parents
 should spend
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
 watching
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
.
For instance
, most of the injuries a
child
 can get
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 because of
parents
 who neglect the importance of
mintoring
Correct your spelling
monitoring their
thier
child
while
 playing.
To conclude
,
while
 some people
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to teach
thier
Correct your spelling
their
child
 being independent by leaving them
spending
Change the verb form
to spend
show examples
 some
time
 alone, I agree that
parents
 should spend
time
 with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids to take care of them.
Submitted by noufxmut on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more clearly by ensuring proper paragraphing and transitions between points. This will help in improving the flow and making your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the variety and complexity of your sentences to make your arguments more compelling and refined.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical and spelling errors, particularly common words like 'responsible,' 'surrounded,' 'curious,' 'monitoring,' and 'their' which were misspelled or incorrectly used.
task achievement
Include more specific and varied examples to support your main points effectively. This will enhance the relevance and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion that helps in understanding the main points of your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, showing a balanced understanding and making a reasonable case for your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strengthen family bonds
  • emotional support
  • instill values
  • nurturing environment
  • secure and loved
  • social skills
  • independence
  • sense of identity
  • diverse environments
  • adaptable
  • open-minded
  • balanced development
  • foundational support
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