Some university students want to learn about other sujects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is said that studying
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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other
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

beside
Change preposition
besides

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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main
Correct article usage
the main

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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become prevalent among some university
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some of them think drawing all
attention
Correct pronoun usage
their attention

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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and focusing all their time on a subject to gain a qualification is more
imoprtant
Correct your spelling
important

If you don’t want imoprtant to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. All science
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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related to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other

The singular quantifier each is followed by the plural noun others. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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, and
for becoming
Change preposition
to become

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a great experts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a great expert
great experts

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun experts in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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, exploring these connections can be necessary
by
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
Add a comma
example,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For example. Consider adding a comma.

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a medical
engneer
Correct your spelling
engineer
engineers

If you don’t want engneer to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

who study the science of medical devices
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs

It seems that the verb need does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to learn about
human's
Change noun form
human

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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anatomy, physiology, diseases, wireless technology and
electromagnity
Correct your spelling
electromagnetic
electromagnet

If you don’t want electromagnity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to can
invente
Correct your spelling
invent

If you don’t want invente to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

or fix these
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment

It appears that equipments is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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. By drawing attention to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

complication
Replace the word
complicated

The word complication doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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issue, Some
universtiy
Correct your spelling
university

If you don’t want universtiy to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may tend to
widened
Change the verb
widen

It appears that the verb widened should be in the base form as part of the to-infinitive following tend. Consider changing the verb form.

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their
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge

If you don’t want knowlege to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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various areas to have a deeper understanding
on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their main
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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young people are energic and
interesting
Replace the word
interested

It seems that the form of the participle interesting is not correct in this context. Consider changing it.

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in various topics. University can be introduced as
a
Change the article
the

It appears that the phrase a best place does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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best place
to
Change preposition
for to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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nurture their interests
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. Where using great and
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped

If you don’t want equiped to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

libraries,
courses
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and great masters are provided them.
As a
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

result
Add a comma
result,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase As a result. Consider adding a comma.

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they would be able to satisfy their desires.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some think the study of other
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may create the problem of information overloading and they can become
confuse
Change the verb form
confused

It appears that the verb confuse is a subject complement following the linking verb become. Consider changing it to the past participle form.

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and bored among all of
Add an article
the knowleges
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knowleges
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowledges

If you don’t want knowleges to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
as a
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

result
Add the comma(s)
result,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter as a result. Consider adding the comma(s).

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they would not be able to continue their main
courses
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they may lose the chance of
taking
Verb problem
obtaining

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
a qualification.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by studying in a
veriety
Correct your spelling
variety

If you don’t want veriety to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of areas, the time for deeper studying on the main
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

would be lost. And
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students

It seems that student may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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would not be great experts when they enter
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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society. In conclusion, I believe that knowledge and science
is
Change the verb form
are

It appears that the singular verb is does not agree with the plural compound subject knowledge and science. Consider changing the verb to the plural form.

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incredibly wide and they overlap
on
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
each other. It may be necessary for
students
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to study
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
different
subjects
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
courses
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to have a better understanding of the main
courses
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Submitted by hg1984 on

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task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that slightly hinder comprehension. Try to use simpler, more accurate sentence structures to avoid misunderstandings.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use linking words. For example, phrases like 'On the other hand' can clearly indicate a contrast.
task achievement
Be careful with spelling and typos, such as 'engneer' instead of 'engineer', and 'electromagnity' instead of 'electromagnetism'. These small errors can distract the reader and lower your score.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your structure is logical with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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