IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You want to organise a party in your office to celebrate something. Write a letter to your manager about the party at the office. In your letter, say what the party is about mention why it is necessary explain what you expect from him/her to do Write at least 150 words.

#organise #party #office #manager
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Dear Mr. Vipul, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to ask you about the
party
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 that I want to organise at our office. We have not celebrated a
party
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 for many days and It has been a long time ago when we had a
party
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. Our biggest festival Diwali is very important for all the people in our nation and because of the Diwali festival, I would suggest having a
party
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 at the office which can connect all the workers together and even employees can refresh and relax from the hectic work. To organise
this
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party
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, we will require some funds and need to have a plan, so I request you to help me to make a plan and provide me with the required money. Looking forward to hearing from you. Regards, Ankit
Submitted by ap064911 on

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task achievement
While your letter is clear and concise, including more specific details such as a suggested date, time, or a brief outline of activities or events planned for the party could provide a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas, such as mentioning the lack of recent parties more succinctly at the beginning.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing of the letter are appropriate and well-balanced, maintaining a professional tone.
logical structure
You provided a clear reason for the party and explained its necessity effectively, contributing to the overall structure of the letter.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a suitable writing tone for the context and audience, making it sound polite and respectful.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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