Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many college
students
Use synonyms
are keen to take many courses other than their core
subjects
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
some people think that it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
essential to maximize their efforts in achieving a certain level of qualification.
Although
Linking Words
people may obtain various
knowledge
Use synonyms
by taking additional
subjects
Use synonyms
, those who maintain their attention for a certification
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more likely to get recruited as professionals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that focusing
to get mastered in
Wrong verb form
on mastering
show examples
one particular subject will be more beneficial for university
students
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, learning various kinds of lessons may broaden their capabilities.
Use synonyms
Students
Add a verb
Students are
Students were
show examples
able to get introduced to several experts in many kinds of fields, which might
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their
knowledge
Use synonyms
in
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
range of courses. To illustrate, those who learn accounting, literature and geography altogether might gain a lot of materials related to those chosen
subjects
Use synonyms
since they have the chance to learn from the experts of each module.
As a result
Linking Words
, they tend to have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
general
knowledge
Use synonyms
of each subject.
However
Linking Words
, it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
essential for learners to focus on studying for a qualification in order to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
specialized
Wrong verb form
specialise
show examples
in a specific industry. Having a specialization in a certain field
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
to make
students
Use synonyms
becoming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
potential
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
to get hired by employers
due to
Linking Words
their specific skills compared to the other candidates.
For example
Linking Words
, those who became a certified public accountant will have a higher opportunity to become an associate in a well-known public accounting firm rather than those who did not. In conclusion, I tend to believe that it is better for
students
Use synonyms
to maximize their efforts in studying a certain course in order to be specialized in that field of
knowledge
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
of choosing to learn many
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
they might still
managed
Change the verb form
manage
be managed
show examples
to gain
knowledge
Use synonyms
by studying many
subjects
Use synonyms
at once, being qualified
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a specific field might be more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
to industries.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Your essay clearly discusses both views and provides a well-structured argument for your opinion. However, you could enhance the Task Response by including more specific examples or statistical data to support your points.
coherence
Your ideas are logically structured, and the essay flows well. Nevertheless, it can be improved by using more linking phrases and avoiding repetition of words and phrases.
cohesion
Try to refine your transitions between points. While you’ve used linking words like 'however' and 'for example', incorporating a bit more variety and smooth transitions could improve readability.
task
The essay is clear, well-structured, and answers the question effectively.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well, providing a clear starting point and a strong ending to the essay.
support
Your main points are well-supported and relevant to the topic.
clarity
You have written comprehensive, clear ideas that are easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: