IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many countries spend large amounts of money on world sporting events such as the Olympic Games and football World Cup. Instead these monies can be spent on encouraging young children to take up sports at a young age. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries spend huge
amouts
Correct your spelling
amounts
 of money
Use synonyms
world
Change preposition
on world
show examples
 sporting events
such
Linking Words
 as the Olympic Games and
football
Correct article usage
the football
show examples
World
Use synonyms
 Cup. But other people think
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 young children
to motivate
Change the verb form
motivates
show examples
 them to do their best.
Body paragraph 1
Generally
Add a comma
Generally,
show examples
 most of the
goverment speng enoumous
Correct your spelling
government spend enormous
 money
Olympic
Change preposition
on Olympic
show examples
 games which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 humans angry and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
Correct article usage
a differences
show examples
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
with
Change preposition
between
show examples
 people. Take a look at my home country Azerbaijan`s Goverment seperate more than 10
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
dollor
Correct your spelling
dollar
dollars
 Games between 2015-2020. They are so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 money why they can do
this
Linking Words
.
one
Use synonyms
 of the most
Correct word choice
important reason
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is Azerbaijan
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
knowned
Correct your spelling
known
 in the
world
Use synonyms
, Ans
statictic
Correct your spelling
statistic
statistics
 described that It jumped up tourism high level. On
this
Linking Words
ground
Add a comma
ground,
show examples
 it plays
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 role in
countruies
Correct your spelling
countries
 well-known.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 half of
Correct article usage
the polulations
show examples
polulations
Correct your spelling
populations
population
 opinions can support young ages. They are our future. Ones can
make
Verb problem
conduct
show examples
investigatons
Correct your spelling
investigations
investigators
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their
tenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 and
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 made them
internationl
Correct your spelling
international
 player in the
world
Use synonyms
.
In
Correct your spelling
An
show examples
 Azerbaijani
famous
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
proverb says Children are our future and our future depends on them.
Conclusion
All in
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 we can`t
pic
Correct your spelling
pick
show examples
 up
one
Use synonyms
opinin
Correct your spelling
opinion
 which is good or bad. They are connected
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other and
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 another.
One
Use synonyms
 of the main
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 keep balance
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay requires more clarity in expressing ideas. Try to organize your thoughts in a clear and systematic way: start with an introduction that presents the topic and your opinion, followed by body paragraphs that each discuss a single main idea supported with relevant examples, and end with a conclusion that summarizes your points.
task achievement
Work on providing specific examples to support your points. Your essay would benefit from concrete instances that illustrate the possible benefits of hosting big sports events or investing in youth sports development.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Simple mistakes can sometimes distract from the meaning of your arguments. Consider reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing editing and revising your work.
coherence cohesion
There are some issues with sentence structure and word choice throughout the essay that need attention. Try to use a variety of sentence types to improve flow and engagement in your writing.
task achievement
The essay topic is well recognized and there is an attempt to address both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Including a proverb is a nice touch and adds a cultural perspective to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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