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Writing Samples
Band 5

some university students want to learn about other subjects, discuss both the view that is important and the view that studying for a qualification should be the priority

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In recent times, citizens tend to be taught in diverse areas
along with
Linking Words
 studying
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
certain fields at universities. Accompanying these two activities is a major issue which has some advocates and critics. The following essay will express
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both views neutrally.
Due to
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 the fact that
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 generation’s desire is
being
Wrong verb form
to be
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 skilled in various areas, learning new
subjects
Use synonyms
 has become more prevalent than it used to be.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 learners should dedicate their study time
for
Change preposition
to
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 it, these new extra fields could assist them in
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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too.
For example
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, educating ICDL
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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benefits engineering
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 to perform better at their future job.
Besides
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, it could be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a backup for them. If they could not find an occupation, they would have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to apply
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their educated skills.
Consequently
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, it can give them a wide perspective of their main studied
subjects
Use synonyms
, and
also
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 increase job opportunities for them.
On the contrary
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, as it was mentioned before, studying extra curriculum is not only a time-consuming activity which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 being stuck in traffic congestion to commute but
also
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 requires significant concentration. To put it differently, these activities could divert students’ attention from their main
subjects
Use synonyms
 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to overlooking lessons at university.
As a result
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, the quality of studying will dramatically drop because the majority part of pupils’ concentration
assigns
Wrong verb form
is assigned
show examples
 to other skills.
Consequently
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, they will eventually graduate from the university with lower marks and it will undoubtedly affect their next higher education. In conclusion, being skilled in practical areas would significantly influence pupils’ academic
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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.
However
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, it should be taken into account that spending excessive time on educating new
subjects
Use synonyms
 in a way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads to reducing the quality of studied
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 would not be a helpful idea. Students should strike a balance between both sides.

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task response
To improve task response, try to add more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on the fluidity and clarity of your ideas. Ensure there is a logical progression between paragraphs and within your arguments.
task response
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose.
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