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Writing Samples
Band 5

Shopping online is becoming popular because of its benefits. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon

#phenomenon
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It is universally acknowledged that technology has affected diverse aspects of life. Shopping, as a common activity, has been certainly influenced by blessing technological facilities.
However
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, technological facilities have some drawbacks, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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e-commerce is no exception. The following essay will argue the benefits and cons of
this
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 new developing activity.
To begin
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 with its advantages, in terms of convenience and modernity, online shopping is famed for its simple and state-of-the-art access. In the modern era, contemporary citizens tend to utilize modernized and fast equipment and the e-buying facilities completely meet the mentioned need. In comparison with traditional shopping which requires being physically present in markets, online one does not possess
this
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 challenge, and customers can buy
products
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while
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 they are sitting at home.
This
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 can cause declining air pollution
especially
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, especially
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 in megacities because it has been observed that almost 30% of commuting in these cities is
due to
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the
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apply
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shopping activity.
On the contrary
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, the drawbacks of it are undeniable.
Due to
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 the fact that developing the Internet has been accompanied by cybercrime. To put it differently, customers are able to check the
products
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 before buying them in
traditional
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the traditional
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 version;
while
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 , the online mode does not have
this
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 option which makes it untrustworthy;
although
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,
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apply
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 there are some pictures of
products
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 on the websites, it cannot compare with touching it.
Besides
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, fraud is one of the common crimes where e-commerce
simplices
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simplifies
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 it.
For example
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, some online shopping has been established on Instagram, and after the
costumer
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customer
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 pays for the
products
Use synonyms
, the seller blocked the person and
then
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 it would be challenging to arrest
this
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 criminal. In conclusion, advancing technology and the Internet have significantly affected people’s
life
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lives
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.
The e-commerce
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E-commerce
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 is one of the most popular activities which can assist not only in private lifestyle but
also
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 in solving
societies
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society's
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
On the other hand
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, its disadvantages should be taken into account and be cognizant of it.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the clarity of ideas by organizing them more logically and ensuring a smoother flow of information between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure a balance between discussing advantages and disadvantages, making sure that each point is given adequate attention.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, covering both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-constructed, which frames the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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