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Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is more important to use the space in cities well than make them look beautiful. To what extent do you agree?

#space #cities
As the number of population grows rapidly, cities have become densely populated.
Consequently
, some
people
 argue that it is important to use
space
 wisely, even though others think that making cities beautiful is
also
 crucial.
Nonetheless
, I agree that maximizing cities’ spaces is far superior for some reasons that are set out below.
Firstly
, using
city
space
 will help reduce overcrowding
space
.
This
 happens as many
people
 move to the
city
 to find a more convenient living place and get some benefits of having easier access to public facilities.
Thus
, by constructing high-rise buildings,
for example
, Hong Kong has many high apartments, allowing
people
 to live in small areas which
also
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 comfort to them and can accommodate more
people
.
Secondly
, by using
space
 efficiently, it is good for the environment. Most apartments have a park for spending time with families doing picnics and sports,
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an example walking or cycling.
In addition
, trees and plants absorb carbon dioxide that releases oxygen, making the air cleaner and healthier. Other than that,
this
 kind of
city
 design can enhance the emotional well-being of the habitat because there are more spaces for entertainment. In conclusion, using
city
space
 well is crucial to stop overcrowded living spaces, improve health protect the environment,
as well as
 enhancing emotional well-being.
Submitted by kelly on

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introduction conclusion present
Although the introduction presents the thesis statement, it would benefit from being more concise and directly addressing the prompt. Consider revising for greater clarity and precision.
logical structure
While the structure logically flows from one idea to the next, strengthening the link between specific examples and main points can provide clearer transitions. Ensure each paragraph reinforces your main argument seamlessly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on the ideas presented to provide greater depth. While the points made are relevant, delving deeper into each concept with more detailed examples and explanations will enhance your essay's overall coherence and thoroughness.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant and specific examples that effectively support the main points, particularly in discussing the benefits of high-rise buildings and green spaces.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main arguments, reiterating the key points made throughout the text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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