Some people believe that increasing prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime rates, while others think that finding alternative solutions is more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #prison #sentences #crime #rates #alternative

Prison

is the best solution for gathering

criminals

, especially with the significant increase in

crime

rates

. Which presents the argument of either increasing

prison

sentences or finding other solutions to fight

crime

rates

. In my opinion, I believe that finding other solutions is more efficient for fighting

crime

rates

. Some people view that longer

prison

sentences have a greater impact on

crime

numbers.

This

view can be justified by thinking that

criminals

will rot in

prison

leaving them hopeless after getting out. Staying in the same place for a great amount of time will have an impact on one's behaviour. Which could teach them how to hold themselves in many situations.

Additionally

, they could think that staying in

prison

for

such

a long period of time will make them question their actions and impact other people by spreading the fear of being kept in

prison

for years.

While others

Correct word choice

Others

show examples

think that finding alternative ways is a better

option

which I completely agree with. The first

option

could be efficient.

However

, it won't enhance productivity among those

criminals

. Things

such

as allowing

criminals

to work in certain fields and aspects of life could teach them a lesson.

Furthermore

, when they blend in with society the number of moments of realisation that they will be caught by will make them even better individuals. They are even more exposed to severe internal imbalance if they are in

prison

than trying to blend with society. Which makes it a better

option

in reducing

crime

rates

. In conclusion, finding alternative ways

instead

of increasing

prison

sentences is a better

option

to reduce

crime

rates

. Especially the trigger of the mental conditions a criminal might face

while

being in

prison

Submitted by hamdanaldehaihani37 on Wed Jul 10 2024

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coherence cohesion

Strengthen the introduction. While it briefly mentions the two views, it makes a sudden shift to your opinion. Provide a clearer outline of the structure of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure consistency in transitions. Some paragraphs contain small pauses that break the flow—streaks of disjointed phrases can be unified smoothly.

task achievement

Support your points with more specific, real-life examples to make the arguments more compelling. It helps to concretize general ideas.

task achievement

Clarify and expand on the reasoning behind your viewpoint: explain why alternatives to prison may foster reform more effectively, using studies or cases if possible.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main stance and reinforces the opinion articulated in the essay.

task achievement

The essay demonstrates a balanced discussion by presenting arguments for both views, reflecting an understanding of the issue.

task achievement

The language used is clear and relatively easy to follow, which aids in understanding your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that increasing prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime rates, while others think that finding alternative solutions is more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The advantages provided by English as a global language will continue to outweigh the disadvantages. To what extent do you agree with this statement

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

With the scale of globalisation today, it would be of unquestionable benefit to have a single world currency. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

In some places old age is valued. While other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.