In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts?
These days,
health
Correct article usage
the health
sectors
has been improving tremendously. than ever before. Fix the agreement mistake
sector
However
, a large number of the population in first-tier
world are Add an article
the first-tier
affecting
Wrong verb form
affected
from
overweight and Change preposition
by
obesity
even if they have Replace the word
obese
a
better healthcare amenities Correct article usage
apply
by
the ministry. A lack of physical exercise Change preposition
than
coupled with
eating junk foods
are the stems for this
phenomenon; There are some effects of this
situation bring
Verb problem
apply
that
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
There are two causes that bring Correct word choice
and this
this
tendency; one of the key reasons is that mankind who lives
in developed nations Correct subject-verb agreement
live
he
neither Correct pronoun usage
apply
carrys
Physical activities nor sports, Correct your spelling
carries
carry
consequently
, this
lead
to gaining weight. Western Countries humankind do not have Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
to maintain
their body Change preposition
in maintaining
body
in fit, Remove the redundancy
apply
besides
they usually go to pups enjoy
themselves. Another Vital cause is Correct word choice
and enjoy
that
eating junk Correct word choice
apply
foods
and soft drinks frequently in
Change preposition
apply
everyday
and Replace the word
every day
all meals
, Fix the agreement mistake
every meal
as a consequence
, People suffer obesity
issues; the main reason Change preposition
from obesity
of
they eat Pocket foodstuff, which Price is not expensive. Taking Australia, Change preposition
apply
for example
, McDonalt's dead all
Correct determiner usage
apply
foods
are inexpensive, a burger price is just 2 AUD. Hence
, they eat often these foods
and gaining
overweight.
There are some impacts of Verb problem
become
this
phenomenon. People who are being
overweight always Verb problem
apply
bully
Wrong verb form
bullied
from
others who Change preposition
by
be
slim, Wrong verb form
are
this
mostly happens in high Schools
; bullying can affect Fix the agreement mistake
School
Pshycologically
. Correct your spelling
psychologically
For instance
, according to
the
new research, at present, research has found 45% of Correct article usage
apply
the
high Correct article usage
apply
schools
students Fix the agreement mistake
school
have
affected Verb problem
are
Pshycologically
because of bullying, Correct your spelling
Psychologically
which
being overweight Correct word choice
and
Also
, obesity
can lead to getting more deadly diseases to
humans, Change preposition
apply
this
means individuals will acquire numerous diseases Correct pronoun usage
which
such
as heart stroke, heart attack and diabetic type 2. Ergo, being obesity
and overweight Replace the word
obese
bring
more toxic effects.
In Conclusion, developed countries have modernized healthcare Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
Correct your spelling
even though
eventhough
their citizens are Suffering
Correct your spelling
even though
obesity
issue because of
a lack of exercise along with
eat
more junk Change the verb form
eating
foods
frequently. Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
connect
to many deadly illnesses Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
as well
as
people can Correct word choice
and
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
from
bullying are the effects of Change preposition
by
this
situation.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure all your main points are adequately supported with detailed evidence. This helps strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider merging or linking sentences for better flow and to avoid repetition, especially in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You introduced the topic clearly and provided a reasonable structure for discussion.
task achievement
You identified and explained key causes and impacts of obesity in developed countries.
task achievement
You included specific examples to support your points, which is commendable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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