In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts?

#spite #improvement #healthcare #governments #people #countries #obesity #impacts

These days,

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

sectors

Fix the agreement mistake

sector

show examples

has been improving tremendously. than ever before.

However

, a large number of the population in

first-tier

Add an article

the first-tier

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world are

affecting

Wrong verb form

affected

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

overweight and

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

even if they have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better healthcare amenities

Change preposition

than

show examples

the ministry. A lack of physical exercise

coupled with

eating junk

foods

are the stems for

this

phenomenon; There are some effects of

this

situation

bring

Verb problem

apply

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

this

Correct word choice

and this

show examples

essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are two causes that bring

this

tendency; one of the key reasons is that mankind who

lives

Correct subject-verb agreement

live

show examples

in developed nations

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

neither

carrys

Correct your spelling

carries

carry

Physical activities nor sports,

consequently

this

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to gaining weight. Western Countries humankind do not have

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

to maintain

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in maintaining

show examples

their body

body

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

in fit,

besides

they usually go to pups

enjoy

Correct word choice

and enjoy

show examples

themselves. Another Vital cause is

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

eating junk

foods

and soft drinks frequently

Change preposition

apply

show examples

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

and

all meals

Fix the agreement mistake

every meal

show examples

as a consequence

, People suffer

obesity

Change preposition

from obesity

show examples

issues; the main reason

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apply

show examples

they eat Pocket foodstuff, which Price is not expensive. Taking Australia,

for example

, McDonalt's dead

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

foods

are inexpensive, a burger price is just 2 AUD.

Hence

, they eat often these

foods

and

gaining

Verb problem

become

show examples

overweight. There are some impacts of

this

phenomenon. People who are

being

Verb problem

apply

show examples

overweight always

bully

Wrong verb form

bullied

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

others who

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

slim,

this

mostly happens in high

Schools

Fix the agreement mistake

School

show examples

; bullying can affect

Pshycologically

Correct your spelling

psychologically

For instance

according to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

new research, at present, research has found 45% of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

high

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

students

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

affected

Pshycologically

Correct your spelling

Psychologically

because of bullying,

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

being overweight

Also

obesity

can lead to getting more deadly diseases

Change preposition

apply

show examples

humans,

this

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

means individuals will acquire numerous diseases

such

as heart stroke, heart attack and diabetic type 2. Ergo, being

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

and overweight

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

more toxic effects. In Conclusion, developed countries have modernized healthcare

Correct your spelling

even though

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

their citizens are Suffering

obesity

issue because of a lack of exercise

along with

eat

Change the verb form

eating

show examples

more junk

foods

frequently.

Its

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

connect

Correct subject-verb agreement

connects

show examples

to many deadly illnesses

as well

Correct word choice

and

show examples

people can

affect

Wrong verb form

be affected

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

bullying are the effects of

this

situation.

Submitted by reanudeepan on Wed Jul 10 2024

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coherence cohesion

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve readability and coherence.

task achievement

Ensure all your main points are adequately supported with detailed evidence. This helps strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Consider merging or linking sentences for better flow and to avoid repetition, especially in the body paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

You introduced the topic clearly and provided a reasonable structure for discussion.

task achievement

You identified and explained key causes and impacts of obesity in developed countries.

task achievement

You included specific examples to support your points, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

331 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some feel that it is impossible for a country to be economically progressive and environmentally friendly at the same time. Others disagree with this view. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the Internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that the best way to control accidents on city streets is to lower the speed limit but others think there are more important issues that need attention before roads can be safe.