IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In some commercials, seller nowadays usually underline that their products are innovative in some way,
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this
Correct word choice
and this
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 has a positive effect on
development
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the development
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 of businesses.
While
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this
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 development
bring
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brings
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 a lot of benefits, I believe it has a major
negavtive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effect.
This
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 essay shed light on both perspectives
along with
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 my opinion in the upcoming paragraph. To commence with,
advertise
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advertising
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 plays a vital role in
development
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the development
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 of businesses. A very important point to consider that
advertise
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advertising
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 to attract
customers
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.
This
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 means that increments in sales. To illustrate
this
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 point, I would like to mention that every time a new product is released by Apple, new
innovative
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innovations
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such
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 as structure and shape are changed to attract
customers
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. Some businesses have succeeded in growing their market sales through
this
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 kind of advertisement. Another point I would like to make
this
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 that the company ought to differentiate its products.
This
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 is
because
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because of
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 the fact that
create
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creates
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 unique characteristics to stand out in the market and
competitions
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competition
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. On the flip side,
this
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 approach has had
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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an immense influence on
customers
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. They encounter the reality of the quality of goods different from advertising and has
also
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 become the source of
tremedous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 controversy. A good example of that comes to mind
the
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is the
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 quality of goods
customers
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 order online will be different from the quality we see in the photos.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 problem needs
solution
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a solution
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 to change,
instead
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just
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of just
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 advertising In conclusion, these days many companies are
focusig
Correct your spelling
focusing
focused
 on new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 as they provide a new
experimence
Correct your spelling
experience
 to the
customers
Use synonyms
 to stand out from the competitors. The trend would
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
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it
Correct your spelling
if
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 companies could make high-quality items
instead
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 of developing marketing.

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coherence
The introduction is clear in its intention but could be more explicitly structured. Adding a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction that outlines your main points would improve coherence.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are well-organized. Some of the ideas in the essay are a bit disjointed, making it difficult to follow the argument.
cohesion
Addressing both sides of the argument is good, but ensure there are more explicit connections between ideas. Transitional phrases and linking words can help in achieving this.
cohesion
Some phrases and sentences could be rephrased to avoid confusion. Ensure each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning. For instance, 'This means that increments in sales' can be rephrased to 'This results in increased sales.'
task achievement
While relevant examples are used, further specificity and clarity in examples provided would strengthen your argument. For example, explain what specific innovative features in Apple's products attract customers.
task achievement
Ensure grammatical correctness and clarity. For example, 'tremedous' should be 'tremendous', and 'advertise' should be 'advertisement' in some contexts.
task achievement
The conclusion needs to be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay. A stronger concluding statement would leave a better impression.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic by analyzing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising new features in products.
The use of a
task achievement
The essay includes clear examples, such as the reference to Apple, which helps to illustrate the point being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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