IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
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In the world, a substantial number of Individuals live more than in the past.
However
, recent researchers have shown that the growth of the population can destroy the environment quickly, and the government must divide crowded places into other regions.
Therefore
, the causes and effects of these on
this
 approach,
as well as
 possible solutions, are outlined below. It's no doubt that the environment can be changed when many
people
 live
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
.
moreover
, the pollution of the area is able to create many problems,
such
 as lack of food or weak water, so new sick can be creative. no sooner can the government overcome the difficulty, but new problems can start for crowded
of inhabit
Verb problem
inhabitants
show examples
.
although
 developed countries have new methods of controlling cities, they have some problems with
people
. Tokyo is the biggest city in the world and is an enormous city. council town seeks to model for saving green areas of the city that were destroyed when
people
 immigration boomed in Tokyo. New politics in many countries are villages and small cities develop, and many young
people
 back to the village for farming and life since dividing accommodation of an area can help that
for
Change preposition
apply
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balance
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
produce and customs. despite the government encouraging many
people
, to pretend to change their homes. when an area can control its population, it can plan for the future easily.
For example
, China is a big country and has many cities. where more, it
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
many
Add a missing verb
have many
show examples
 surgeries but can control
any things
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
. and now have
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 economy. In conclusion, pollution is an important problem for increasing human but good politics can
solution
Replace the word
solve
show examples
 that problem.
Submitted by pooriyarashidi6 on

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task achievement
Your essay outlines a basic understanding of the topic. However, it lacks clarity and some points are not fully developed. Ensure that each point directly relates to the topic and is explained in detail.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to make your points clearer. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence clearly relates to your main points.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples and explanations for your arguments. More specific examples will strengthen your essay and make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have identified some relevant issues regarding ageing populations and provided a general overview of potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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