IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph shows the variation in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of foreigners that visited
art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
,
Use synonyms
pavilion
Fix the agreement mistake
pavilions
show examples
,
Use synonyms
pier
Fix the agreement mistake
piers
show examples
, and
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
 in England, particularly Brighton during a 30-year period from 1980 to 2010. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen from the graph,
Use synonyms
pavilion
Correct article usage
the pavilion
show examples
 owned the highest percentage of tourists,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 underwent the lowest fluctuation with few numbers. If you gave the chart a look, you would notice that
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
 was much higher popular in
1980s
Change the article
the 1980s
show examples
 by 30%,
while
Linking Words
pier
Use synonyms
 recorded the less desire by 10%. Nearly 20% and 24% of British people aimed
Use synonyms
art
Change preposition
for art
show examples
Use synonyms
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pavilion
Fix the agreement mistake
pavilions
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and took them as their destination respectively. In 1985,
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
Use synonyms
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
 climbed to hit
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak by
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
. Frequently, roughly 49% of tourists were attracted by
Use synonyms
pavilion
Correct article usage
the pavilion
show examples
 during 1995,
while
Linking Words
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
 experienced a steady stability and ranged between 20% and 30%.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 next 15 years,
however
Linking Words
, saw a slight decrease in
Use synonyms
pavilion's
Correct article usage
the pavilion's
show examples
 visitors. In 2005, there was
intersection
Correct article usage
an intersection
show examples
 at 15% of
Use synonyms
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
show examples
 and
art
Use synonyms
gallery
Use synonyms
, followed by two opposite operations of climbing to 22% and declining to 8%. During the same period, the percentage of
festival's
Change noun form
festival
show examples
 seekers stayed stable at
two fifth
Correct your spelling
two-fifths
show examples
.
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words art, gallery, pavilion, pier with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: