IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You work in an international company. Write a letter to the manager for allowing extra hours off during work time to attend family celebration. In your letter, you should Explain why you want to take a day off Suggest how your work could be covered while you are away.

#work #company #manager #hours #time #celebration
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Dear Mr. Smith, I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to request you for a day’s leave in the following month as I have a family event to attend. It is my father’s retirement party and all our close relatives will be attending the function. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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, being the eldest daughter, have the responsibility to organize and host the whole event. I have already finished the current project and for the upcoming project, I have prepared a planner which I will present to you next week.
Also
Linking Words
, I have designated Rahul as my replacement for the day in case of any predicament. He has been assisting me
from
Change preposition
for
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 the past two months and
comprehand
Correct your spelling
comprehends
 my duties thoroughly. I appreciate your understanding of my circumstances and kindly request your approval for
this
Linking Words
 leave. I look forward to your positive response. Thank you Yours sincerely, Bindiya Gupta
Submitted by bindiya.gupta01 on

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coherence cohesion
Your letter is clear and well-organized. However, ensure all your points have the same level of detail and precision. For example, you could briefly mention how Rahul is competent in more detail.
general
There is one small error, 'comprehand' should be 'comprehend,' but this doesn't affect your score significantly. Focus on minor proofreading.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are very professional and appropriate.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is suitable for a formal request and shows respect for the recipient.
task achievement
The response effectively addresses all parts of the task with suitable suggestions and reasoning.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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