IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Is it a good thing if senior management workers in a company get a much higher salary than other workers in same company.Do you agree or disagree?

#management #workers #company #salary
Many
workers
 with greater
experience
 are given higher salaries,
while
 other
worker
Change the wording
workers
show examples
 in the same workplace do not get the same pay. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that providing experienced
workers
 with a larger pay cut is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
beneficial. Individuals with a higher position in a company
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a greater amount of money than casual
workers
.
This
 is because they have worked hard to reach their positions and that they gained more
experience
 than new employees.
Additionally
, senior management
workers
 feel more stressed as they have a tougher job to do. Take,
for example
,
managers
 at Microsoft
Correct pronoun usage
who carry
show examples
carry
Correct pronoun usage
who carry
show examples
 great
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 in leading the way for the employees working under them,
therefore
 they deserve a higher salary than
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of
workers
.
On the other hand
, many people believe that it is fair for all
workers
 to get the same amount of monthly income because they all work in the same place. In many cases, casual employees work more hours than their
managers
while
 getting a lower salary only because they do not have more
experience
.
For instance
,
workers
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
samsung
Change the capitalization
Samsung
show examples
 work a larger number of hours per week than their
managers
while
 generating less income.
To conclude
, I believe that it is a good thing to provide senior
managers
 with a higher salary than
workers
 as they have worked hard to reach where they are now
as well as
 gaining more
experience
 as they rank up.
Submitted by aysalhelebi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Consider refining the introduction to more clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss. This will help in setting a clear direction for the reader.
content
While the examples are relevant, developing them further with more detailed explanations or additional specific examples could strengthen your argument. Aim to provide deeper insights or evidence.
language
Pay attention to minor language inaccuracies and ensure correct word choices to enhance clarity. For example, 'greater amount of money' can be replaced with 'higher salary'.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which helps in delivering your points effectively.
content
You have provided specific examples, such as referencing Microsoft and Samsung, to support your arguments. This helps in making your points more concrete and relatable.
cohesion
The main ideas are clearly presented and there is a reasonable flow of information from one paragraph to the next, aiding the reader in following your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: