IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Is it a good thing if senior management workers in a company get a much higher salary than other workers in same company.Do you agree or disagree?

#management #workers #company #salary
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Many
workers
Use synonyms
 with greater
experience
Use synonyms
 are given higher salaries,
while
Linking Words
 other
worker
Change the wording
workers
show examples
 in the same workplace do not get the same pay. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain why
i
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I
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 believe that providing experienced
workers
Use synonyms
 with a larger pay cut is
a
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apply
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beneficial. Individuals with a higher position in a company
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a greater amount of money than casual
workers
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have worked hard to reach their positions and that they gained more
experience
Use synonyms
 than new employees.
Additionally
Linking Words
, senior management
workers
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 feel more stressed as they have a tougher job to do. Take,
for example
Linking Words
,
managers
Use synonyms
 at Microsoft
Correct pronoun usage
who carry
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carry
Correct pronoun usage
who carry
show examples
 great
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 in leading the way for the employees working under them,
therefore
Linking Words
 they deserve a higher salary than
other type
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another type
other types
show examples
 of
workers
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people believe that it is fair for all
workers
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 to get the same amount of monthly income because they all work in the same place. In many cases, casual employees work more hours than their
managers
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while
Linking Words
 getting a lower salary only because they do not have more
experience
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
workers
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
samsung
Change the capitalization
Samsung
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 work a larger number of hours per week than their
managers
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while
Linking Words
 generating less income.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that it is a good thing to provide senior
managers
Use synonyms
 with a higher salary than
workers
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 as they have worked hard to reach where they are now
as well as
Linking Words
 gaining more
experience
Use synonyms
 as they rank up.
Submitted by aysalhelebi on

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structure
Consider refining the introduction to more clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss. This will help in setting a clear direction for the reader.
content
While the examples are relevant, developing them further with more detailed explanations or additional specific examples could strengthen your argument. Aim to provide deeper insights or evidence.
language
Pay attention to minor language inaccuracies and ensure correct word choices to enhance clarity. For example, 'greater amount of money' can be replaced with 'higher salary'.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which helps in delivering your points effectively.
content
You have provided specific examples, such as referencing Microsoft and Samsung, to support your arguments. This helps in making your points more concrete and relatable.
cohesion
The main ideas are clearly presented and there is a reasonable flow of information from one paragraph to the next, aiding the reader in following your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hierarchy
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • strategic decision-making
  • leadership
  • attraction
  • retention
  • highly skilled
  • experienced professionals
  • motivation
  • reward
  • experience
  • contributions
  • inequality
  • morale
  • productivity
  • performance-driven
  • compensation
  • pay gap
  • result-oriented
What to do next:
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