Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is loss of particular speices if plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.
The environmental problem indeed is
most
crucial Correct article usage
the most
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
to
around the world. Change preposition
apply
However
, a large number of the population believe that extinction
of Correct article usage
the extinction
the
particular Correct article usage
a
species
is the paramount importance of
Change preposition
to
the
environmental Correct article usage
apply
issues
, where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
,
other people think that there are more vital environmental Remove the comma
apply
problems
we have to address it
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
This
essay will discuss both viewpoints and I consider there both issues
should be considered equally,
On the one hand, Correct article usage
the extention
extention
of the Correct your spelling
extinction
species
can cause more threaten
Replace the word
threats
of
humans because it affects the ecosystem. Change preposition
to
This
means, decreasing
plants and animals Correct word choice
that decreasing
bring
loss of bio-diversity Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
to
around the world, and it creates enormous Change preposition
apply
damounts
of Correct your spelling
amounts
deferimental
effects Correct your spelling
detrimental
to
Change preposition
on
the
human beings. For exam example, food chains will be affected when creatures Correct article usage
apply
are
start to decrease, Unnecessary verb
apply
consequently
, people
lives Change noun form
people's
is
more Correct subject-verb agreement
are
threaten
Wrong verb form
threatened
to
Change preposition
by
this
issue. Hence
, Correct article usage
an extention
extention
of the Correct your spelling
extension
species
problem should be taken properly.
Conversely
, there are other significant environmental problem
that need to be considered Change the wording
problems
such
as global warming. This
is because raising the tempretature
can cause Correct your spelling
temperature
melting
the Correct article usage
the melting
polar
ice cubes, Change preposition
of polar
thus
, it will affect our planet,
and all the creatures. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, increasing the sea level due to
global warming will bring more droughts coupled with
floods frequently. Hereby, these Correct your spelling
greenhouse
green house
effects are need to be considered as a vital environmental Correct your spelling
greenhouse
problems
In conclusion, although
extinction of the species
can stem loss
of bio-diversity Add an article
the loss
along with
affecting the food-chain
are the main environmental Correct your spelling
food chain
Problems
, global warming Fix capitalization
problems
as well as
melting the polar ice cubes are
that need to be
addressed as Unnecessary verb
apply
a crucial environmental
Correct the article-noun agreement
crucial environmental issues
a crucial environmental issue
issues
. Even though, in my opinion, about this
, these two major environmental problems
are of utmost importance of the environmental issues
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints and provides your opinion, which is good. Ensure that your ideas are communicated more clearly by improving sentence structure and grammar.
task achievement
Make sure to include clear, specific examples to support your points. This can enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can improve the reader’s understanding of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more transitional phrases and connectors to link ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed both views, which is a strong point of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example