Art is considered as en essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. What do you think that is? What could be done to encourage people to take an interest in the arts?

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Art and culture promote harmony in societies, and,

therefore

, are of paramount importance.

While

more people tend to pursue science and technology in the contemporary world, the figure for art proponents is declining substantially. Admittedly, in terms of job

recruitments

Fix the agreement mistake

recruitment

show examples

and high compensation, scientific fields rank the highest,

however

acknowleding

Correct your spelling

acknowledging

the significance of art weighs equally.

This

essay explores the reasons for the rising trend of science and advocates for the remedial steps that would encourage people to take

interest

Correct article usage

an interest

show examples

arts

Correct article usage

the arts

show examples

Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on Wed Jul 10 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay does a good job of introducing the topic and outlining the main points you will cover. However, for a higher score, ensure that each point is clearly and thoroughly elaborated. For instance, explain in more detail why people are moving towards science and technology and provide specific examples to support your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your ideas are generally presented in a logical manner, but make sure to develop a stronger connection between them. Using more connective words and phrases can improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, consider adding a conclusion that clearly summarizes your key points and offers a final thought.

Task Achievement

An effective essay often includes specific examples or scenarios to back up the points made. Try to integrate relevant examples where possible. For example, you could mention specific studies or statistics that show the trend toward science and technology and how they overshadow the arts.

Task Achievement

You have successfully identified the issue and the opposing trends of art and science in today's society, which is a good starting point for your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, making it easy for the reader to understand what will be discussed.

Task Achievement

Your writing demonstrates an understanding of the overall importance of both art and science, which adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

82 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Art is considered as en essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. What do you think that is? What could be done to encourage people to take an interest in the arts?

Include an introduction and conclusion

some people believe that if people are not allowed to work after the age of 60, it cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

advertising has become increasingly popular in different markets. Firms are using various forms of advertising to popularize the novelty of their products to the public for additional profit

chools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.