Art is considered as en essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. What do you think that is? What could be done to encourage people to take an interest in the arts?

Art and culture promote harmony in societies, and,
therefore
, are of paramount importance.
While
more people tend to pursue science and technology in the contemporary world, the figure for art proponents is declining substantially. Admittedly, in terms of job
recruitments
Fix the agreement mistake
recruitment
show examples
and high compensation, scientific fields rank the highest,
however
,
acknowleding
Correct your spelling
acknowledging
the significance of art weighs equally.
This
essay explores the reasons for the rising trend of science and advocates for the remedial steps that would encourage people to take
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
in
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay does a good job of introducing the topic and outlining the main points you will cover. However, for a higher score, ensure that each point is clearly and thoroughly elaborated. For instance, explain in more detail why people are moving towards science and technology and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are generally presented in a logical manner, but make sure to develop a stronger connection between them. Using more connective words and phrases can improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, consider adding a conclusion that clearly summarizes your key points and offers a final thought.
Task Achievement
An effective essay often includes specific examples or scenarios to back up the points made. Try to integrate relevant examples where possible. For example, you could mention specific studies or statistics that show the trend toward science and technology and how they overshadow the arts.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified the issue and the opposing trends of art and science in today's society, which is a good starting point for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction sets a clear direction for the essay, making it easy for the reader to understand what will be discussed.
Task Achievement
Your writing demonstrates an understanding of the overall importance of both art and science, which adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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