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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each argument to provide a balanced discussion. Your points on comfort and safety are good, but offering more specific examples and comparisons could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Linking phrases and cohesive devices would help in transitioning between ideas more smoothly.
general english
Be careful with minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'policie,' 'safier,' 'cant,' and 'to preserve.' These can be distracting and affect the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic. This can provide a deeper insight into the complexities of the issue and add weight to your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points regarding comfort and safety are relevant and directly address the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
In contemporary society, the debate surrounds whether the behaviours of children change according to what they watch versus how much time they spend looking at TV. Although it negatively affects children's behaviours in accordance with what they watch, it is also true that their characters change depending on how much time they spend watching TV, as they can lose interest in physical activities.
With the modernization of the era, the problem of environmental pollution is increasingly erupting and people believe the government should take their center of attention on diminishing housing problems and environmental pollution. These ministries are forceful but authorities should have more general solutions including the main causes of other diseases such as diet and laid-back lifestyle.
I hope you are in radiant health and the best of spirits. I am writing this letter to inform you about the problems I faced in your hotel, while I was staying there. Apart from that, I will explain how the receptionist helped me as well as suggest some preventive measures not to repeat the problem in the future.
Some people believe that the main goal of every country should be to increase the production of goods and materials. While this approach may seem beneficial for economic growth, I believe that constantly prioritizing production has significant drawbacks and is not always an appropriate goal.
In recent years, there has been a growing inclination among people toward using social media to replace face-to-face communication. I am firmly convinced that the drawbacks of this emerging practice are more glaring compared to its benefits