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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each argument to provide a balanced discussion. Your points on comfort and safety are good, but offering more specific examples and comparisons could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Linking phrases and cohesive devices would help in transitioning between ideas more smoothly.
general english
Be careful with minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'policie,' 'safier,' 'cant,' and 'to preserve.' These can be distracting and affect the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic. This can provide a deeper insight into the complexities of the issue and add weight to your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points regarding comfort and safety are relevant and directly address the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
How are you? Hope you are having a good time. I am writing to invite you to my journey. I plan to fly to Thailand this winter vacation. I would be glad if you would come with me.
Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers, while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals believe that spending large amounts of time and money to protect wild animals is more important than focusing on human needs. This essay completely agrees with this view, as the disappearance of wildlife can damage the natural balance of the environment, and many medical discoveries depend on research into animal species.
In this era, technology enhancement has been quickly growing, an action which has a pivotal impact on human lives. There is a perspective which proposes that scientific achievements ought to be directly exploited for people's progress, the perspective that I fiercely agree with. This argument will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
It is an undeniable fact that punishment for crimes is always one of the fiery issues in our society. There is a debate on whether criminals should receive a standard sentence regardless of the situation or if the circumstances surrounding the crime should be considered before determining the punishment. This essay will explore both perspectives, however, I personally lean towards the idea of taking into account the context of the crime when sentencing an individual.