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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each argument to provide a balanced discussion. Your points on comfort and safety are good, but offering more specific examples and comparisons could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Linking phrases and cohesive devices would help in transitioning between ideas more smoothly.
general english
Be careful with minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'policie,' 'safier,' 'cant,' and 'to preserve.' These can be distracting and affect the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic. This can provide a deeper insight into the complexities of the issue and add weight to your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points regarding comfort and safety are relevant and directly address the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
All of the opinions , but here is the brutal truth, but before we start, this is the way I am looking at this topic. From my perspective, I believe a lot of people, especially the ones who are emotionally sensitive, shouldn’t give their thoughts because this is the dumbest idea I have heard. This topic looks crazy; however, it could work with certain criminals, not all of them, because you don’t know what crime they committed to be in prison and spending a significant period of time there.
It is irrefutable that the world is torn in two so far as how budget-friendly weddings are concerned. The first half of the world is convinced that uniting two people should be memorable and the best way to achieve this is by breaking the bank. Whereas a fair proportion of the world strongly believes the exact opposite, preferring inexpensive gatherings. Undoubtedly, expensive weddings carry a plethora of benefits, such as cooking utensils, cash and other essentials: thereby justifying my bias towards extravagant unions.
I hope you are doing great. I am writing this letter to draw your attention to the incident while I was operating a rental automobile a few days ago. Actually, I rented a motor from a local dealer of your company on 23rd March to explore the city's Downtown.
In the modern world, it is undeniable that television remains a major source of entertainment and information for children. However, there has been growing concern about the increasing amount of violence shown in TV programmes and its possible influence on young viewers. Although some may disagree with this view, I support it due to several reasons, which will be examined in this essay.
In recent days, people have held different views about whether we become more dependent on others. While, some argue that people are more reliant on others than they used to. This essay believes that we are more independent than people in the past. On the one hand, there are some reasons that could be argued that we depend on each other now.