IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia
The pie chart and bar graph
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the information related to the location and type of dance
classes
 that Australian teenagers presently attend.
Overall
, private studios had a maximum number of
classes
 conducted, but college halls had been least preferred for dancing. Ballet had seen the highest
registarion
Correct your spelling
registration
registrations
 from students under 11 years. A similar trend was seen in students between
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group 11 and 16 participating in modern
classes
. On closer examination, 48% and 10 % of the practice
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 were conducted in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
private studios and college studios respectively. Almost 900 students had registered for Ballet, of which 600 of them were less than 11 years old. Just above 800 people had been to
a Modern dance
Correct the article-noun agreement
Modern dance classes
a Modern dance class
show examples
classes
, with just more than 500 belonging to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 age group 11-16.
Nearly
Add an article
A nearly
show examples
 equal number of children
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age groups had participated in Tap
classes
 resulting in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a total of 800 plus candidates participating.
Submitted by yashaswikhot on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: