Nowadays, students sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals?
In the present pupils sleep fewer than they slept in the past.
This
essay will show the main cause of this
problem is using their smartphones before they sleep, and the result of this
is staying late and their bodies
can not develop well.
Adults who use
gadgets in bed before sleep struggle with sleep disorders because screen
has blue radiation that Add an article
the screen
do
not make their Change the verb form
does
bodies
relax. Also
when they use
their electronic devices, they will ignore the time and stay awake until late hours
. For example
, a recent study found that people who suffer from sleep disorders use
their mobile in their bed and this
makes them sleep a few hours
.
Students' bodies
have to relax at night for at least eight hours
because this
makes their bodies
grow very well. In addition
, they have special hormones that work at night when their bodies
rest, so if they stay awake at midnight this
impacts their health, and they will not develop as much as in the past. For example
, a
new research found that Remove the article
apply
pupils
hormones are declined Change noun form
pupils'
pupil's
due to
they do not sleep enough and their hormones can not be released.
In conclusion, it is argued that adults do not sleep like before, the reason for this
is that use
their mobiles a lot so they can not sleep and this
impacts their growth. It is recommended that parents have to prevent them from using devices at night and ensure they sleep at least 8 hours
.Submitted by saja.alotaibi on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar usage to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper usage of articles.
content
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, expand on how sleep deprivation specifically affects students' daily performance and academics.
coherence
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and main points. Using transitional phrases like 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'consequently' can help in making the essay more cohesive.
style
Rephrase sentences to avoid repetition of words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating 'bodies,' use synonyms or reframe sentences to enhance readability.
task response
You have clearly identified the causes and effects of students sleeping less, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
structure
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes the argument easy to follow.
examples
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the impact of mobile phone use and studies related to sleep disorders, which add credibility to your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!