More and more people understand the need for more diversity in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) fields, but few women decide to study and work in STEM fields. Schools and universities should implement specific programs to encourage and support women in doing careers in STEM fields.
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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
the
huge demand for diversity in Correct article usage
a
fields
related to science, technology, engineering, and mathematics because a large number of women
opt to start their careers in other fields
. It is argued that particular programs and campaigns should be conducted to encourge
and advocate Correct your spelling
encourage
women
in pursuing jobs in STEM fields
. I totally agree with this
statement because many women
have insights and potential talents that can contribute to breakthroughs in these fields
as well
as
many corporations need more gifted people to improve the quality of their Correct word choice
and
products
despite of what
their Correct pronoun usage
apply
gender
are
.
First and foremost, Unnecessary verb
apply
women
tend to think that they can not compete with men in scientific fields
due to
the fact that many creative goods was
Change the verb form
were
came
up with by the opposite Wrong verb form
come
gender
. However
, there are
a lot of Correct subject-verb agreement
is
researchs
which were done by scientists Correct your spelling
research
researches
shows
that both Correct pronoun usage
that shows
gender
have Change to a plural noun
genders
same
brain structure which means they can fairly compete and contribute to society in whatever Correct article usage
the same
fields
they choose to pursue. For example
, Marie Curie is a physist
and chemist that figured out a new element which is used in helping impaired individuals and curing many dangerous diseases.
Correct your spelling
physicist
Futhermore
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
due to
the firece
competition in many big companies and the advancement of technology, they need more gifted people to enhance their Correct your spelling
fierce
products
. That is
to say, if the hiring department of those corporations limits women
to enter to
STEM jobs, they will face massive disadvantages towards their opponents and lose in the rat race because of lacking gifted people. Change preposition
apply
For example
, technological big companies have recently implemented many programs to encourge
girls to learn STEM Correct your spelling
encourage
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
along with
trying to recruit employees from their rivals to help improve their products
and
not caring what their Correct word choice
apply
gender
are
.
In conclusion, I firmly support the suggestion that programs need to Change the verb form
is
be conducts
to help Change the verb form
be conducted
women
follow scientific fields
because many of them have hidden talens
in those Correct your spelling
talents
talent
fields
which might have to find out breakthroughs and lots of companies need more the gifted to contribute to the success of their products
.Submitted by Andy on
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grammar
There are a few grammatical errors and typos that need to be addressed, such as "was came up," "researchs," and "futhermore." Proofreading for these errors can help improve the clarity of your writing.
example
Your examples are relevant but could be more diverse. Consider adding more specific examples from various STEM fields to strengthen your argument.
argument clarity
Some sentences can be made clearer. For example, rephrasing "many creative goods was came up with by the opposite gender" to "many innovations have been attributed to men" improves clarity.
structure
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points.
coherence
You provide logical reasons for supporting your argument, making your essay coherent.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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