IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010.

The line graph shows how much money overseas visitors spent in the UK from 1980 - 2010 and the pie charts show the reasons for their visits in 1980 and 2010.
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The line graph shows the amount of money the UK foreign visitors spent over a 30-year period
unite
Verb problem
apply
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measured in millions
Change preposition
of pound
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pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
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 sterling and the pie charts show the percentage of reasons for visits divided into four categories holiday,business,visiting friends and relatives and other between two years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the line graph shows an increase in the amount spent between 1980 and 2010.
However
Linking Words
, we can clearly see in the pie chart that the proportions of spending have mildly changed. In the line graph
Add a comma
,
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the amount spent in 1980 was
little
Correct article usage
a little
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 over 7,500 million pounds sterling.
While
Linking Words
 it kept fluctuating over the years it increased gradually reaching its highest point in 1996 at 12,000 million pound sterling and by 2010 it had a mild drop to 10,500 million pound sterling.
While
Linking Words
 the pie chart shows in 1980 the majority of
causes
Correct your spelling
cases
show examples
 it
visit
Use synonyms
 was for holiday at 44.1% and business at 20 .7%, Visiting friends and relatives and other accounts for only the third of courses to
visit
Use synonyms
 at 18.7% and 16.6% respectively,
This
Linking Words
 has
however
Linking Words
 slightly changed in 2010
although
Linking Words
 holiday is still the number one reason to
visit
Use synonyms
 percentage has decreased by about 5%
as well as
Linking Words
 other causes to
visit
Use synonyms
 . other categories
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visit with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas visitors
  • expenditure
  • spending habits
  • trends
  • increase
  • decrease
  • 30-year period
  • tourism
  • business trips
  • educational purposes
  • visiting friends or relatives
  • significant changes
  • global events
  • economic conditions
  • socio-cultural changes
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