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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the reasons people in Great Britain had for visiting art museums in the years 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the reasons people in Great Britain had for visiting art museums in the years 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #people #britain #art #museums #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts illustrate the percentage of different purposes that
people
Use synonyms
 in Great Britain had for visiting
museums
Use synonyms
 in 1990 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, learning and gaining knowledge remained to be the major reasons for the ten years
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 were less likely to visit
museums
Use synonyms
 to purchase art. A larger percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 attended a special exhibit, spent time with family and friends and
buy
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 travellers visited
museums
Use synonyms
 to fill their schedules in 2000. Starting with the aims with rising percentages, there was only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% increase in the rate of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited
museums
Use synonyms
 for educational purposes in 2000 from 44% in 1990, making it the most dominant reason. There were
also
Linking Words
 some increases in the proportion of attending a special event
as well as
Linking Words
 spending time with friends and family with the former rising from 12%
fo
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 18% and the latter from 12% to 17% respectively, which made the latter slightly more popular.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other reasons experienced a more dramatic rise, jumping from 1% to 5% for a decade. Turning to the rest of the graph which indicated some declines, much
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 travellers visited
museums
Use synonyms
 just to fill their schedules with 12% in 1990 than 27% in 2000, when it shared the second largest
percenrage
Correct your spelling
percentage
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a minor decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the proportion of those who went to
museums
Use synonyms
 for other reasons from 4% to 3% respectively.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, museums with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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