IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

‘Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other.’ To what extent do you agree with this idea? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#‘tourism #force #people #countries #idea
Nowadays , There is no doubt that many
countries
 in the world depend on
tourism
. Some
people
 think that
tourism
 is the best way to connect
people
 ,
cultures
Correct word choice
and cultures
show examples
, explore new things , culture etc. from one
country
 to another
country
. In
this
 essay , I will discuss and explain why
tourism
 is important for a nation with some conception and examples from my own understanding.
To begin
 with ,
Tourism
 is playing an important role in improving the economy of the
country
 .
In addition
 , globally various
countries
 rely upon
tourism
such
 as Singapore ,Thailand and many more. In these
countries
 , the main source of income is
tourism
 .
For Example
 , a recent survey done by M.B.A students from Chandigarh University revealed that because of
tourism
 Singapore is one of the developed
countries
 across the globe and
as a result
,
people
 are leading a very happy life.
Secondly
 ,
Tourism
also
 helps in creating a job and developing a business for individuals
such
 as hotels, staff for hotels like chefs, receptionists,Tour - guides , taxi drivers etc which not only help the individual but
also
 raise wealth for the state.
For Instance
 , One of my known was working as a tour - guide and his English improved because all the time his interaction was with foreign
people
. At present , he is working as a Manager in an international B.P.O and he gives all the credit to
tourism
 only.
To conclude
 , I agree that
tourism
 is not only good for individuals but is
also
 great for the entire nation.
Tourism
 always helps to boost the economy of the
country
 because of
this
 many jobs and businesses are available .
Moreover
 , through
tourism
 international citizens should come to know the heritage of the
country
 . In the end , I will say that the government should always focus on improving
tourism
.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure to improve readability. It would be beneficial to have clear paragraphs with distinct central ideas. Consider using connectors and transitional phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
It's essential to provide deeper analysis and explanation for each point. Ensure each point directly supports the central argument and is elaborated sufficiently.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and makes a concerted effort to provide relevant examples and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is concise and reinforces the main ideas presented in the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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