IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You are planning a 2-day work training outside your city next month. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel regarding accommodation arrangement for your visit. In your letter, you should tell: introduce yourself and your company ask availability of their rooms tell him/her that your every arrangement and needs

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to request the accommodation arrangement on April 23 and 24. My name is Kazuya Nakagawa.
In addition
Linking Words
, I am running a real estate business.
Moreover
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, my company is located in Hyogo prefecture. We have been pursuing
to
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ways to
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 improve our skills,
such
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 as communication and presentation skills.
Secondly
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, the lecture is going to be held on 23 and 24 April near your hotel. And our company would like to join it to enhance our skills. Indeed, staying at your hotel would make it accessible to go to the place. It would take only a few minutes from your inn. So, if you could let us stay at your hotel for two days, it would be very helpful for us.
Lastly
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, the class is going to start at 8am.
Thus
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, we would like to add breakfast for two days.
Furthermore
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, are there big rooms to gather people and eat dinner together? We are planning to eat dinner with 30 people. I would appreciate it if you could reply to my message as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, Kazuya Nakagawa

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task response
For task response: say more clearly how many rooms you need and what kind of rooms you want.
task response
For task response: the last point is not fully clear. Ask the hotel to arrange all your needs in one direct way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some linking words are not needed. Keep your ideas simple and direct.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: keep one main point in each paragraph to make the letter easier to follow.
task response
For task response: you cover the main purpose of the letter and mention breakfast and dinner needs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the letter has a clear opening, middle, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your greeting and closing are correct for a formal letter.
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