IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the 20th century, the world witnessed a groundbreaking surge in globalization
due to
Linking Words
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
 development of air travel and telecommunications.
This
Linking Words
 will
raised
Change the verb form
raise
show examples
 some questions regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
upside
Fix the agreement mistake
upsides
show examples
 and
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
 of those advancements.
This
Linking Words
 article will discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the impact of both sides to provide more
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view and
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 it in holistic ways.
Generaly
Correct your spelling
Generally
, the advantages of rapid enhancement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 air travel and telecommunications have several impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various aspects of our lives. First of all, it has increased
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collaboration around the globe and created new possibilities in a positive way.
Company
Fix the agreement mistake
Companies
show examples
 can collaborate in cross-nation, advancing their products and
manufacture
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
show examples
 their products
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 cheap
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Apple has
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 manufacturer of their products in China. The implication is not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
 have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best price and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 their margin but
also
Linking Words
 they can distribute faster
accross
Correct your spelling
across
 Asia contingent.
As a result
Linking Words
, Apple can increase their margin for each product that
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
show examples
 from China. On the other side, it is
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 to notice the challenges coming from
this
Linking Words
 increased global connection. One notable example is
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 impact
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 coming from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air travel. Specifically, Frequent use of
airplane
Fix the agreement mistake
airplanes
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can produce more carbon dioxide. In a recent study, the use of
airplane
Fix the agreement mistake
airplanes
show examples
 during 1960-2022 can create lots of carbon and increase the degree by 1
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every 30 years.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries should find lots of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as using renewable energy to lower the impacts. In conclusion, engaging in the subject matter,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth and good
oppportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 have
Correct article usage
a siginificant
show examples
siginificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, I believe that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 global contact do
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
disadvanges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
, to the fact that we actively work on risk mitigating and ensuring more sustainable
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 for the generations to come.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Work on sentence structure to improve clarity and readability. For example, the sentence, 'This will raised some questions regarding to the upside and downside of those advancements' could be revised to 'This has raised some questions regarding the advantages and disadvantages of these advancements.'
relevance
Avoid repetition of ideas. For example, the idea about Apple increasing their margin is repeated in the same paragraph. Instead, focus on new examples or points to make the essay more compelling.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Words like 'generaly' should be 'generally,' and 'siginificant' should be 'significant.'
depth
Expand on the negative impacts and provide additional examples or evidence to balance the discussion.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
support
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the case of Apple manufacturing in China.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global trade
  • economic boost
  • cultural exchange
  • global peace
  • educational resources
  • carbon emissions
  • environmental degradation
  • social isolation
  • economic inequality
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: