IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #products #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Businesses nowadays claim that their
products
 have improved in
such
 a way.
This
 essay discusses the reason why they think so and why I believe it`s a positive development. The first reason why companies agree to renew their
products
 is that they remarket them after they have added some more features to solve a problem that might appear in the original version of the items, so after they have spent some time doing the repair they would announce about the new model to attract the customers to try it out.
Moreover
, they would mention the problem they had to solve and what methods they used to enhance the new items in response to the feedback they got.
However
, I believe it is a positive development because it demonstrates that business owners are keen to what the clients think about their
products
 and what improvements should they add or whether they should carry on with their plan in term of developing the product or discontinuing it. so they would start a new project to gain the public attention. In conclusion, Companies call for the public that they do have new
products
 to try,
this
 is because they try to remarket the same
products
 after making some positive changes to the current model, and I think it is a positive thing to look at as it shows how far they are keen on knowing the feedback from clients and how to improve their experience.
Submitted by hebadyala on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your response is clear, try to ensure that every main point is supported with more specific examples. This strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to avoid grammatical mistakes and incomplete sentences to improve the readability of your essay. For instance, "so they would start a new project to gain the public attention" needs some refinement for clarity and correctness.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points you have discussed are relevant to the essay prompt and are generally clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: