IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some feel governments should invest in preserving minority languages, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (Write 250 words.)

#feel #governments #minority #languages #resources
Nowadays, some
people
 think that the government should spend to maintain
minority
languages
while
 others have different opinions about
this
 situation.
This
 argument will discuss both sides and my perspective. In general, there are many reasons why some governments put a lot of effort
to keep
Change preposition
into keeping
show examples
minority
languages
 for their freedom and stability to keep them from
protest
Fix the agreement mistake
protests
show examples
 and
revolt
Fix the agreement mistake
revolts
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not
end
Wrong verb form
ending
show examples
 like the collapse of
Correct article usage
the Austro-Hungarians
show examples
Austro-Hungarians
Correct your spelling
Austro-Hungarian
show examples
 empires in
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century
due to
 multiculturism and war. Another reason is that it is difficult to change
minority
 roots and traditions without having conflict. Every
language
 on
this
 planet has its own values and cultures. Some countries use
minority
languages
 for formal
language
 just like their first
language
.
For instance
, one state in Canada, Quebec
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
 French as
formal
Add an article
a formal
the formal
show examples
language
 to integrate French-Canadian
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
show examples
 society.
On the other hand
, some
people
 suggest that governments should spend
people
’s tax money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other activities to make profitable and necessary situations
such
 as innovation, technology, or scientific research and much more important than investing in
minority
languages
. Many third-world countries would have priority to put resources schools, hospitals and infrastructure first for their
people
 first.
Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
such
 as the USA,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a lot of immigrants from many countries still have to speak English for formal communication without investing in
minority
languages
. In my opinion, I think in modern society, the government should treat
minority
Fix the agreement mistake
minorities
show examples
 the same way as their populations because all
people
 are the same human being
as well
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not force them to change their
languages
 and
also
 authority support is very important to make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 proud to be citizens of that country.
Submitted by prinkarn333 on

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task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, make sure to further elaborate on key points with more detailed examples and explanations. Adding statistical data or quotes from scholars could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Clear paragraph breaks and smooth transitions between ideas can help enhance the logical flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your examples and explanations are directly relevant to the points being made. This will create a more cohesive argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both perspectives on the issue, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the main discussion effectively.
task achievement
You presented relevant examples, such as the use of French in Quebec, to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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