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Band 1

The best way that a government can reduce the traffic congestion in cities is to provide public transport free of cost to people 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #traffic #congestion #cities #transport #cost #people #hours #week
Some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 think that
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 public transport free of cost to all persons 24\7 is the best way to
can
Verb problem
help
show examples
 governments solve the problem of
traffic
 in cities.
However
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
good solution but
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better ways to fix that problem.
Firstly
, if the
police men
Correct your spelling
policemen
show examples
 were
allover
Correct your spelling
all over
show examples
 the streets the
traffic
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be less
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sities
Correct your spelling
cities
sites
. The
police men
Correct your spelling
policemen
show examples
 will organise the cars and make the way much better. For a clear example,
Chaina
Correct your spelling
China
is solving
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
traffic
 with
this
 statement.
Secondly
, if the government and
engners
Correct your spelling
engineers
engenders
 fix the
distroied
Correct your spelling
distorted
destroyed
 ways and
also
 change it to better streets that will
realy
Correct your spelling
really
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to reduce the
traffic
.
Submitted by ryalhamdan on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, aim to provide a more compelling argument and develop your main points further. Instead of simply mentioning that police presence and better roads will reduce traffic, you could expand on how and why these methods would work. Including more relevant and specific examples would also strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhancing coherence and cohesion involves improving the logical structure of your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and use linking words to create a smooth flow between ideas. For instance, words like 'furthermore' and 'consequently' can help connect your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. Also, there's no clear conclusion wrapping up your discussion. To improve, make sure to restate your main points and provide a succinct summary in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have identified alternative solutions to the traffic congestion problem, which shows a good level of critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with a distinct introduction and body paragraphs addressing different points.
task achievement
You have attempted to use examples, which can be very effective in supporting your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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