IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The plans below show the ground floor of a library in 2001 and how it was developed in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #ground #floor #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The provided illustrations describe how the ground
floor
 of the museum changed between 1990 and 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
floor
 had witnessed significant modernization, with an
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extended entrance, the relocation of some facilities, the addition of a cafe and an elevator,and the archaeology gallery being cleared to make way for service areas. First of all, one key change was the extension of the entrance, with the reception counter moved to be more adjacent to the entrance on the bottom of the
floor
.
Additionally
,there
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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used to be nothing between
gift
Add an article
the gift
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 shop and
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 history room.,h
However
,in 2010, a new lift was put/built in the north-west area.
Besides
,a new cafe was added
in
Change preposition
on
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 the site of the gift shop in the north-western corner In the north-east area,the archaeology gallery was replaced by the children’s interactive zone and poster display area .
Finally
,the statue was moved from
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 the stair on the top to the middle of the
floor
.
Submitted by hachuhachuha on

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task achievement
While the essay describes most of the changes that took place, it lacks a bit of detail regarding the exact positions of some of the new features. Try to refer explicitly to the locations (north-west, north-east, etc.) more consistently.
task achievement
There are spelling mistakes and minor grammatical errors. Proofread your work or use tools to correct common mistakes. For instance, 'witnessed' should be 'witnessed' and 'had used to' should be 'used to'.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a conclusion that wraps up the summarized information thoughtfully. Adding a concluding sentence would improve the structure.
coherence and cohesion
Transitions between sentences and ideas can be smoother. Use more cohesive devices like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'moreover' to link ideas together more clearly.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of describing the main changes between 1990 and 2010.
task achievement
Clearly describes changes such as the extension of the entrance, the addition of new features like the cafe and elevator, and the relocation of the statue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ground floor
  • library
  • development
  • combined space
  • versatile
  • entrance
  • layout
  • restructured
  • reading/study area
  • computer area
  • technological advancements
  • digital resources
  • dedicated
  • community engagement
  • bookshelves
  • multifunctional spaces
  • media area
  • incorporating
  • information
  • entertainment resources
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