IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? Discuss the above and give your opinion using examples.

#education #healthcare #charge #government #responsibility #people #services
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A healthy and educated
society
 is the backbone of any successful
society
;
however
, deciding who is to provide
this
 is a sensitive topic. I strongly believe the government should be held responsible for providing these
services
 for two reasons.
Firstly
, the entire
society
 benefits, and
secondly
 the whole population is currently paying for the
services
.
However
, if one prefers extra
services
 they should be prepared to pay for it themselves. Essentially,
education
 is largely considered a basic right. A population unable to calculate, read, write or even learn would be doomed in
such
 a competitive global economy. Globalisation has increased competition and shifted the emphasis to knowledge, information and science. And so, a state
education
 should be freely available to everybody.
However
, if people wish to purchase private
education
,
this
 should
also
 be allowed or even encouraged. Private
education
 reduces the strain on public
services
 and provides a source of tax revenue for the government, in effect, subsidising state
education
.
Consequently
, health
services
 must undoubtedly be available to all because the entire nation is paying taxes and,
thus
, should not be excluded from any service. Take the NHS in the UK,
for example
; the publically-funded organisation caters for the entire population, and no private medical insurance is needed. Unfortunately waiting lists can be long and service is occasionally slow;
hence
, some purchase private medical insurance for a faster service.
This
 reduces the workload of the public sector.
To conclude
, I believe both healthcare and
education
 are basic fundamental rights, necessary for any advanced
society
, and,
therefore
, the responsibility should lie with the government.
Nevertheless
, if individuals require more than the standard level,
then
 they should be prepared to pay for it.
Submitted by patelmeera on

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task achievement
Expand on the main points with more examples and details to enhance clarity and impact. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between points to improve the overall flow of the essay. This will enhance the reader's understanding and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces and concludes the topic effectively, maintaining a clear structure throughout. This adds to the readability and coherence of your argument.
task achievement
The main points are supported with relevant examples, such as the NHS in the UK, which illustrate your argument well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equity
  • social justice
  • economic benefits
  • productive workforce
  • quality of life
  • social mobility
  • personal responsibility
  • overuse
  • inefficiencies
  • feasibility
  • implementation challenges
  • sustainable funding
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