Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both theses views and give your own opinion
Part of people believe that
parents
should teach their children
to participate in the
Correct article usage
apply
activities
, which involve multiple children
and others
think children
should learn to enjoy their own company by getting involve
in Change the form of the verb
involved
such
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
activities
that just
include them only. Rephrase
only
However
, I firmly believe with
the idea of pushing Change preposition
in
children
to get into team activities
because they would be able to make connections with others
as well as
get a chance to learn something unique from others
.
I feel parents
should teach their children
to take part in team activities
because minors would have the opportunity to make new friends
. Every time
when they will participate, they will get a chance to get to know new children
around them. As the time
goes by, the friendship will grow even more deeper. Therefore
, juveniles would be able to make new relations. Due to
these connections, minors can learn new skills
from others
because every child is different. By grouping them together in a group
Correct the article-noun agreement
group activities
a group activity
activities
, it is going to be so easier for juveniles to adapt
new Correct your spelling
adopt
skills
from their friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
while
enjoying.
On the other hand
, some individuals think it is fine,
if Remove the comma
apply
parents
give a
opportunity to Change the article
an
children
to utilize their free tim
with themselves because Correct your spelling
time
this
would be really helpful to make them independent in life. By investing time
in themselves, they will have time
to think about the things that seems
fascinating to them and can grow the Change the verb form
seem
skills
in order to do them and polish that skills
over years
. Correct article usage
the years
For instance
, my younger brother used to draw all the time
in
his Change preposition
during
play
Correct your spelling
playtime
time
when he was a child rather than playing with other children
. But, he has grown that skill perfectly that he is a great sketch artist at the age of 16. All this
was possible because he was so involved with himself instead
of playing around with others
. That sketching skill has made him independent in terms of happiness as well as
money.
In conclusion, some find thenidea
of letting the Correct your spelling
the idea
children
alone to occupy themselves on its
ownCorrect pronoun usage
their
,
so that they can Remove the comma
apply
because
independent. Correct your spelling
become
Nevertheless
, I strongly think that parents
should push children
to involve them
in Correct pronoun usage
themselves
Correct your spelling
teamwork
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
activities
,
so that they can make their Remove the comma
apply
friends
circle, which would be beneficial for them in return because they can learn new skill set
from their Fix the agreement mistake
sets
friends
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task achievement
Ensure that you fully elaborate on both viewpoints, providing balanced discussions for each. This will demonstrate a comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more effectively. Make use of clear paragraphing and topic sentences to outline the structure of your essay more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Try to restate key points in the conclusion to reinforce the main ideas from the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and adequately reflect the main points of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided clear ideas and some relevant examples that help support your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example