Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both theses views and give your own opinion

Part of people believe that

parents

Use synonyms

should teach their

children

Use synonyms

to participate in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

, which involve multiple

children

Use synonyms

and

others

Use synonyms

think

children

Use synonyms

should learn to enjoy their own company by getting

involve

Change the form of the verb

involved

show examples

Linking Words

such

Fix the agreement mistake

apply

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

that

just

Rephrase

only

show examples

include them only.

However

Linking Words

, I firmly believe

with

Change preposition

show examples

the idea of pushing

children

Use synonyms

to get into team

activities

Use synonyms

because they would be able to make connections with

others

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

get a chance to learn something unique from

others

Use synonyms

. I feel

parents

Use synonyms

should teach their

children

Use synonyms

to take part in team

activities

Use synonyms

because minors would have the opportunity to make new

friends

Use synonyms

. Every

time

Use synonyms

when they will participate, they will get a chance to get to know new

children

Use synonyms

around them. As the

time

Use synonyms

goes by, the friendship will grow even more deeper.

Therefore

Linking Words

, juveniles would be able to make new relations.

Due to

Linking Words

these connections, minors can learn new

skills

Use synonyms

from

others

Use synonyms

because every child is different. By grouping them together in

a group

Correct the article-noun agreement

group activities

a group activity

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

, it is going to be so easier for juveniles to

adapt

Correct your spelling

adopt

show examples

new

skills

Use synonyms

from their

friends

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while

Linking Words

enjoying.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some individuals think it is fine

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

parents

Use synonyms

give

Change the article

show examples

opportunity to

children

Use synonyms

to utilize their free

tim

Correct your spelling

time

with themselves because

this

Linking Words

would be really helpful to make them independent in life. By investing

time

Use synonyms

in themselves, they will have

time

Use synonyms

to think about the things that

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

fascinating to them and can grow the

skills

Use synonyms

in order to do them and polish that

skills

Use synonyms

over

years

Correct article usage

the years

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, my younger brother used to draw all the

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

during

show examples

his

play

Correct your spelling

playtime

show examples

time

Use synonyms

when he was a child rather than playing with other

children

Use synonyms

. But, he has grown that skill perfectly that he is a great sketch artist at the age of 16. All

this

Linking Words

was possible because he was so involved with himself

instead

Linking Words

of playing around with

others

Use synonyms

. That sketching skill has made him independent in terms of happiness

as well as

Linking Words

money. In conclusion, some find

thenidea

Correct your spelling

the idea

of letting the

children

Use synonyms

alone to occupy themselves on

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they can

because

Correct your spelling

become

show examples

independent.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, I strongly think that

parents

Use synonyms

should push

children

Use synonyms

to involve

them

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

team work

Correct your spelling

teamwork

show examples

activities

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they can make their

friends

Use synonyms

circle, which would be beneficial for them in return because they can learn new skill

set

Fix the agreement mistake

sets

show examples

from their

friends

Use synonyms

ksamandeep03

Jul 11, 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that you fully elaborate on both viewpoints, providing balanced discussions for each. This will demonstrate a comprehensive response to the task.

coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas more effectively. Make use of clear paragraphing and topic sentences to outline the structure of your essay more clearly.

coherence cohesion

Try to restate key points in the conclusion to reinforce the main ideas from the body paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present and adequately reflect the main points of your essay.

task achievement

You have provided clear ideas and some relevant examples that help support your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

395 words

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both theses views and give your own opinion

Some people think that high school students should be taught how to use money as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Write an apology letter to a friend from overseas that it will be impossible for him or her to stay with you. In the letter, you should: • Tell why it is not possible • Give him alternative choice to live • Invite him or her to come in the future

Nowadays getting a job is becoming harder in poor countries leading to a rise in unemployment. Some people believe that pupils should only be allowed to access primary education while others believe that secondary education is necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.