IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way that a government can reduce the traffic congestion in cities is to provide public transport free of cost to people 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #traffic #congestion #cities #transport #cost #people #hours #week
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There is no denying the fact that
traffic
 is a global problem.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that to decrease the
traffic
 the
government
 can provide public transport for free over 24 hours a day and 7 days a week for the locals. In my opinion, I consider that the
government
 should provide the possibility to comfort the nation.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 free
transportation
 equals,less unemployment.
In other words
, some people cannot go to their jobs, because they do not have a
rid
Correct your spelling
ride
show examples
 or someone to drive them, so if the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
transportation
 were free it is not only going to solve the
traffic
 problem but
also
 the employees .
In addition
 decrease in
traffic
 accidents.
For example
, in 2013 in Japan when the
government
 decided to open
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport for 24 hours a day and 7 days a week,they found that accidents declined from 50% to 20% in a year. Another point to consider,
visitors
Correct article usage
the visitors
show examples
 will
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
. It is
also
possibl
Correct your spelling
possible
 to say that if the city's reputation has reached the world because of the decline of the
traffic
, people across the
wold
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 will come to visit the city.
Moreover
, less lateness for work.
For instance
,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
 the
traffic
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us late
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work but if there
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 diversity in
transportation
 the lateness
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 decrease. In conclusion,despite people having
Correct your spelling
different
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 views, l believe that If the
government
 provided
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
 for free it
will be
Wrong verb form
would have
show examples
 there a significant impact on the country and the nation
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This will help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations for your main points to better support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for grammatical errors and typos to improve the clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your conclusion to give a more comprehensive summary of your argument and main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your argument touches on important points like unemployment reduction, traffic accidents, and tourism.
task achievement
You referred to an example from Japan, which adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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