some people think they have the right to use as much fresh water as they want, while others believe that governments should strictly control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction, Nowadays the amount of fresh
water
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is decreasing
day
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by
day
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and a lot of
people
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waste f resh
water
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in many ways. So that view of point
government
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should need to take some action on
this
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problem. On the other side my opinion is that governments should make rules on the waste of
water
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like, who wastes
water
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put a fine on them, and arrange some shows on the wastage of
water
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than
people
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can learn the real value of
water
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.
Firstly
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, half the community think that they have the right to
use
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as much fresh
water
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as they want.
This
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statement is not completely right.
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people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
should want to learn the value of
water
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if they can
use
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good
water
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with much access
then
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they can not have too much fresh
water
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on earth.
for example
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, I learned in the newspaper it is scientifically approved that
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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of drinking
water
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is not that much left on the earth. It happens because the wastage of
water
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increases
day
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by
day
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, So that's why
people
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need to learn they should only
use
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fresh
water
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whenever they need it.
Secondly
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, I and the rest of the community believe that the
government
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should strictly
use
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freshwater as it is a limited resource.
Moreover
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,
not only
Correct word choice
apply
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the
government
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we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
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needalso
Correct your spelling
need also
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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to pay attention
regard
Add the particle
to regard
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the waste of clean
water
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.
For example
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, if
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government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
or our societies arrange some shows, dreams and they can make some ads on social media related to the wastage of
water
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. It is a really very good way to make
people
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active and
people
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start to pay some attention to freshwater.
Furthermore
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,
People
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also
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learn the role of
water
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in our lives. In conclusion, My opinion is that not only governments but our societies
also
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need to contribute to
this
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problem to solve it. And in every city and
town
Add a comma
town,
show examples
people
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need to learn a lesson about the
water
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that
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so that
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everybody can stop wasting fresh and they can stop others
also
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Submitted by damandhillon75026 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to better organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph develops one clear point. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and supported with comprehensive explanations and examples. For instance, you can provide more specific examples and elaborate on how governments or individuals can take action.
language accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Consider revising your essay for errors in sentence structure and word usage.
task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and included your own opinion on the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
Your essay raises valid points about the importance of water conservation and the role of both government and individuals.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater
  • personal freedom
  • resources
  • daily necessities
  • environmental sustainability
  • depletion
  • regulation
  • distribution
  • underprivileged
  • future generations
  • conservative use
  • sustainable practices
  • monitoring
  • regulating
  • judiciously
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