some people think they have the right to use as much fresh water as they want, while others believe that governments should strictly control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Introduction, Nowadays the amount of fresh
water
is decreasing
day
by
day
and a lot of
people
waste f resh
water
in many ways. So that view of point
government
should need to take some action on
this
problem. On the other side my opinion is that governments should make rules on the waste of
water
like, who wastes
water
put a fine on them, and arrange some shows on the wastage of
water
than
people
can learn the real value of
water
.
Firstly
, half the community think that they have the right to
use
as much fresh
water
as they want.
This
statement is not completely right.
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
should want to learn the value of
water
if they can
use
good
water
with much access
then
they can not have too much fresh
water
on earth.
for example
, I learned in the newspaper it is scientifically approved that
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
of drinking
water
is not that much left on the earth. It happens because the wastage of
water
increases
day
by
day
, So that's why
people
need to learn they should only
use
fresh
water
whenever they need it.
Secondly
, I and the rest of the community believe that the
government
should strictly
use
freshwater as it is a limited resource.
Moreover
,
not only
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
government
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
needalso
Correct your spelling
need also
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to pay attention
regard
Add the particle
to regard
show examples
the waste of clean
water
.
For example
, if
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
or our societies arrange some shows, dreams and they can make some ads on social media related to the wastage of
water
. It is a really very good way to make
people
active and
people
start to pay some attention to freshwater.
Furthermore
,
People
also
learn the role of
water
in our lives. In conclusion, My opinion is that not only governments but our societies
also
need to contribute to
this
problem to solve it. And in every city and
town
Add a comma
town,
show examples
people
need to learn a lesson about the
water
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
everybody can stop wasting fresh and they can stop others
also
Submitted by damandhillon75026 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to better organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph develops one clear point. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly expressed and supported with comprehensive explanations and examples. For instance, you can provide more specific examples and elaborate on how governments or individuals can take action.
language accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Consider revising your essay for errors in sentence structure and word usage.
task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and included your own opinion on the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
Your essay raises valid points about the importance of water conservation and the role of both government and individuals.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater
  • personal freedom
  • resources
  • daily necessities
  • environmental sustainability
  • depletion
  • regulation
  • distribution
  • underprivileged
  • future generations
  • conservative use
  • sustainable practices
  • monitoring
  • regulating
  • judiciously
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