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Band 2

It’s time to ban social media. It has been shown that it has made life worse for people all over the world, from politics, to self-image, to the spread of disinformation. It is a social experiment that has not worked and it is time to say goodbye.To what extent do you agree with the above statement?

#it’s #time #ban #media #life #people #world #politics #self-image #spread #disinformation #experiment #goodbye
It is a common belief that social
media
exersts
Correct your spelling
exerts
exists
 a negative influence on individuals. I
also
 agree that many
people
 should be
baned
Correct your spelling
banned
show examples
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
 social
media
.
This
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 social
media
 has many problems all over the world.
To begin
 with, many
people
 are exposed to a huge negative
informations throught
Correct your spelling
information through
 social
media
. Notable, children spend too much time on social
media
 and see many violent videos or articles.
For instance
, a recent survey has shown that violent videos
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
written
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
such
 as
Instgram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
show examples
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
 for approximately 30
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
. On the one hand, some individuals suffer from serious
psychologies
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 problems
due to
 social
media
.
Furthermore
,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
most
people
obesses
Correct your spelling
possess
significantly
Change the word
significant
show examples
 social
media
 lives.
As a result
, many
people
 have diabetes.
According to
psychologist
Fix the agreement mistake
psychologists
show examples
,
this
 is why they cannot distinguish real life from social
media
 life.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 research has indicated that
this
 reason that
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 suffering from mental problems is increasing
remarkable
Change the adjective
remarkably
show examples
 compared to in the past
To sum up
, social
media
 can lead to a lot of damage to
people
 and do harm to
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 the world.
these
Change preposition
For these
show examples
 reasons ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that governments should ban social
media
 from individuals.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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coherence cohesion
Aim for clear topic sentences that define the paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive response to the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
Use varied sentence structures to improve readability and sophistication of the essay.
task achievement
Proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve vocabulary usage.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue of social media.
task achievement
The writer gives relevant examples, such as statistics about violent content on social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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