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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

#people #men #women #job #jobs
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Some people think that female and male employees have to be equally considered for any type of job, whilst others are inclined to hold the contrary. For the
last
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 group, given that men and women are different
each
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from each
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 other in some aspects, they cannot apply for the same sort of occupations.
This
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 essay will explain the reasons behind these two points of view.
Then
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, I will explain
also
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 why I agree with the more egalitarian side of the debate.
Overall
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, it is a matter of fact that women have developed the
capacities
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capacity
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 to be part of professions formerly destined for male workers only and there is no reason to think that
this
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 transformation will stop in the future.
Firstly
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, it is interesting to notice that many old-minded people think that some professions,
such
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 as architecture, natural sciences or maths, only can be done by men.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 is
a
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an
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 out-of-touch way of thinking, considering the recent inclusion of female workforce in equal conditions in many companies. In the present, the gender rates are similar for both sexes in every field mentioned before, and probably
this
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 trend will not be reverted.
Also
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, in a second instance, we can see that more and more school girls feel
theirselves
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themselves
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 capable
for
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of
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 studying or doing any kind of work. Against
the
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apply
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traditional thought, we are leaving out plenty
biased
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of biased
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 beliefs inherited from past generations. The new attitude encourages new employers to look for people not considering the sex or gender of the applicant. For all these reasons, in my opinion, it is not reasonable to maintain the old sexist attitude in companies or workplaces in general. Maybe, we must
to
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apply
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concede that we are different in many life aspects, but our rich diversity cannot be an obstacle to
an
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a
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 more inclusive and egalitarian treatment.
Submitted by darojasl on

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task achievement
Consider providing additional specific examples to support your points. It can give more strength to the argument and make the essay more compelling.
task achievement
Try to avoid over-generalizing statements. While the essay acknowledges changing attitudes, be cautious with broad claims about old-minded people or the certainty of future trends.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the smooth flow of ideas between paragraphs by using suitable transition phrases. This will help maintain coherence and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are logically structured and easy to follow.
task achievement
You have presented a clear and compelling argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. Your points are well-explained and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your language is generally fluent, and the essay is engaging. You have used a variety of sentence structures effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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