In most countries, prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The governments
Correct article usage
Governments
show examples
in the world try to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various ways
for preventing
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to prevent
show examples
crime
, and
the
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apply
show examples
one of the opinions is making sure pre-criminals
education
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are educated
show examples
when they are young.
However
, I disagree with
this
solution. Today, I explain why I think about
like
Correct pronoun usage
it like
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that.
Firstly
, the
biggiest
Correct your spelling
biggest
reason why
people
commit a
crime
is their personal environment like
perants
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parents
plants
,
economy
Correct word choice
and economy
show examples
.
For example
, most usual criminals are
theif
Correct your spelling
thieves
. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffer from maintaining their
fundamantal
Correct your spelling
fundamental
life,
also
,there is no way
for working
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to work
show examples
.
Additionally
, if they get abuse from their parents,
young
Capitalize word
Young
show examples
people
can not
behavior
Replace the word
behave
show examples
and think like their peers. In those situations, we can not control them through only better
education
.
In addition
, there are
clarity
Replace the word
clear
show examples
reasons why criminals commit a
crime
in the past.
In contrast
, recently, many
people
harm
Wrong verb form
have harmed
show examples
others without a motive. They do illegal things just for their fun. To these
people
, we need to provide treatment and counsel, not
education
. The world is more developing,
people's
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and people's
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
is
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are
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weaker than
the
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in the
show examples
past.
Due to
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
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modern
people
can not understand each other, and commit a
crime
easily. We try to plan
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
ro
Fix the agreement mistake
them from
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become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
criminals not only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
receving
Correct your spelling
receiving
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
education
.
Submitted by ekmds010822 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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