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Band 2.5

In most countries, prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #prison #people #crime #education #criminals
The governments
Correct article usage
Governments
show examples
 in the world try to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various ways
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
crime
, and
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the opinions is making sure pre-criminals
education
Wrong verb form
are educated
show examples
 when they are young.
However
, I disagree with
this
 solution. Today, I explain why I think about
like
Correct pronoun usage
it like
show examples
 that.
Firstly
, the
biggiest
Correct your spelling
biggest
 reason why
people
 commit a
crime
 is their personal environment like
perants
Correct your spelling
parents
plants
,
economy
Correct word choice
and economy
show examples
.
For example
, most usual criminals are
theif
Correct your spelling
thieves
. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffer from maintaining their
fundamantal
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 life,
also
,there is no way
for working
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to work
show examples
.
Additionally
, if they get abuse from their parents,
young
Capitalize word
Young
show examples
people
 can not
behavior
Replace the word
behave
show examples
 and think like their peers. In those situations, we can not control them through only better
education
.
In addition
, there are
clarity
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 reasons why criminals commit a
crime
 in the past.
In contrast
, recently, many
people
harm
Wrong verb form
have harmed
show examples
 others without a motive. They do illegal things just for their fun. To these
people
, we need to provide treatment and counsel, not
education
. The world is more developing,
people's
Correct word choice
and people's
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 weaker than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
Due to
this
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 modern
people
 can not understand each other, and commit a
crime
 easily. We try to plan
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
ro
Fix the agreement mistake
them from
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become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 criminals not only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
receving
Correct your spelling
receiving
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
education
.
Submitted by ekmds010822 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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Clarify your main points and ensure they are comprehensively discussed. Avoid vague statements and provide specific examples where possible.
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Expanding on the reasons for your viewpoint with more depth can help in fully achieving the task. Incorporate more detailed examples to support your arguments.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the topic and your position clearly, giving the reader a good idea of what to expect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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